Page 79 of Christmas in Mistletoe
They’d got to know each other over the past few weeks and nothing Fran had done pointed to anything like that. Their connection was true. Their sex had been orgasmic. Fran wasn’t the person Ruby had first thought. Fran wasn’t out for herself. She was gorgeous and fearless. Everything Ruby wasn’t.
If Ruby could take back that sentence, she would. But her insecurities had taken over and run riot. She’d never quite dealt with her past, and now it was trampling on her future, and she was powerless to stop it.
“Fran—” Ruby began again. Even if it was too late, she had to try. Her brain was on fire as she spoke. She clutched her phone tight, desperation ripping through her.
“You know what, fuck you.” Fran wasn’t about to mince her words.
Ruby didn’t blame her.
“Howdareyou say that to me. How fucking dare you! I seriously don’t have time for this. I’ve got artists getting shit thrown at them online for no reason other than they’re young and new. But at least Fast Forward are putting themselves out there, taking a chance. Unlike you. Have you ever taken a chance in your life? You did it once with a label, you got burned, and then you’ve run scared ever since. But you know what? Life is about taking chances, it’s about getting up when you’ve been knocked down and trying again. You’re not the first person to experience a setback, Ruby.
“You need to get over yourself. Get out of your own way. Realise the talent you’ve got. Stop running back to Mistletoe and hiding. Because if you don’t, maybe you’re always going to be looking for someone else to blame as an excuse for you to do nothing.”
Fran was right. Ruby knew it. Her hand shook as she tried to think of something to respond with. But she was scared of opening her mouth. Scared of saying the wrong thing again. The hole she’d started was deep enough, and she didn’t want to dig any further. Would Fran take her silence as not caring?Fuck. Ruby had to conjure a sentence. A word. A letter. Anything to stop this train wreck of a conversation from getting worse. She searched her brain, but drew a blank.
Fran filled in the gap. “If you really don’t trust me – because that’s what this is – if youreallythink there’s some grand plan, maybe we’ll never work out. And you know what? That would be a crime because we’re good together.Damn good.” Fran sighed deeply. “I’m not out to get you, Ruby, and I honestly can’t fucking believe you would think that. We’ve shared so many moments. We had amazing sex and youstillthink that?”
Fran raised her voice higher. “That’s the thing that really sticks in my throat. Did you really think I was fucking you and instead of enjoying the mind-blowing sex, I was wondering how to get you to sign with me? You’reunbelievable. I thought I knew you, but maybe I don’t. Maybe we’re not on the same page, just like you thought all along. Maybe you were right from the start.”
Ruby hated every second of this call. Acid panic burned her throat. “I’m sorry Fran. I said the wrong thing—”
“You’re damn right you said the wrong thing! Or maybe you said the right thing so that I can really see who you are before I jump into a relationship with you. All that stuff you said about me being what you needed, about us fitting together. Was that ever real?”
“Yes, it was. You have to believe me!” Ruby’s stomach dropped and her mouth went dry. It was only days ago they’d laid in each other’s arms. In the stretched-out days since, Ruby had been longing to see Fran again. Now, she could see their whole relationship unravelling before it even started, and it was all down to her. Ruby and her big mouth, along with her past that she’d boxed up and backed away from.
Fran had forced Ruby to confront her fears, and she’d been right to do so. Ruby had been hiding away for too long. But now, faced with taking it further, Ruby had lashed out and saidcompletelythe wrong thing. She knew it in her bones. She knew it in her heart. But she was pretty sure it would take a colossal effort to convince Fran of that.
“Plus, you know what the real kicker of this is?” Fran was far from done, but Ruby had to take it. “You’re so hell-bent on doing everything yourself that you don’t realise a label could help you, take the weight off. Therightlabel this time. People who get you. You can’t do it on your own. And even if you don’t want to sign with anyone, you could get some help anyway so that you’re freed up to take some chances. If you don’t, you’re never going to realise your full potential.”
Every word was true. Ruby’s gut told her so. She wanted to rewind. She’d doanythingto rewind. To take them back to the gig, and what happened afterwards. She didn’t want to be jealous of Delilah. She didn’t want to make Fran upset and disappointed with her. She wanted to be the perfect girlfriend, and the perfect singer. But she was neither. She was failing miserably on all counts. Her breath rasped as fear lodged in her throat. This was it. She’d blown it. She clutched her phone in desperation. “Fran, you have to believe me. I don’t think you’re scheming against me—”
“You just said you did! You accused me of getting you publicity for my own gain. Which is just ridiculous. And insulting. Like you think I’m a sort of prostitute, which every woman always wants to hear. You really fucking need to work on your charm skills, Ruby. But fine. Go ahead. Blame me for getting eyeballs on you. Blame me for wanting more for you than you even dare to dream of. If you think this is all one elaborate ruse to get you to sign with me, thenfuck you, Ruby. Maybe we should call it quits.”
The line went dead. Fran had hung up.
Ruby stared at her phone. If she thought she’d been hollowed out before, she certainly was now. Her skin sagged. Her bones buckled. Her heart slumped on the floor. Was that really it? Was that how this ended? Her brain refused to believe it.
Ruby had just pressed the self-destruct button on the truest connection she’d ever felt in her life, with one of the funniest and smartest women she’d ever met. Smart move. Way to go, Ruby. What a fucking gargantuan moron she was.
Ruby took a breath and dropped her head. She pressed her feet firmly to the ground to stop her from falling.
Fran had just broken up with her. Ruby’s whole body was numb. She couldn’t feel a thing. Christmas was next week. She’d entertained such fantasies about their lives when they got back to London. Museums they’d visit. Restaurants they’d eat at. Lazy weekend mornings when they’d make love. All gone. Just like that. All thanks to Ruby.Bravo.
What the hell had she just done?
Chapter 32
Fran massagedher temples and leaned back in her chair. What a week. First the Christmas party. Then the Delilah storm. Then her break-up with Ruby. And now, more social media trouble for Fast Forward, who were getting trolled from all sides, especially by the rabid fans of Cupboard Boy and Skinny YouTube Boy. It never rained, but it poured.
“Did you sort it out?” Damian poked his head around his monitor.
Thank goodness for Damian, otherwise Fran might well want to jump off a cliff at this point. She nodded. “Yes, got the accounts blocked, reported them, had a word with the team about how it got through in the first place. These girls are dealing with enough sudden fame; they don’t need this shit as well.”
“Couldn’t agree more.” Damian carried on staring at her. “Any Ruby news?”
Fran let her eyes flicker shut, then reopened them. She had Christmas presents at her feet. New bakeware and gardening stuff for Dad. New candles and some painting supplies for Pop. Also, presents for Ruby she’d bought before their phone call last week. She was still angry, but now she was more sad.
Today was Christmas Eve, a week since they’d spoken. Fran had decided to put Ruby on pause, to try to work out her own feelings and make sense of what had happened. Every brain cell in her head told her Ruby wasn’t ready for a relationship, never mind a rocket up her career. However, Fran’s heart was singing a different tune. It still recalled the way Ruby had made her feel. It still wanted to believe they had a future together.
