Page 22 of Christmas Romance Galore!
I managed to stop my mouth from dropping open — this was a lot to take in. “You’ve been married before and you have a child?”
She nodded again, looking wary.
“I can see why wedding shopping might be odd for you then.” I sipped my latte, trying to make sense of my jumbled emotions. “So when did you... switch sides? Is Melanie your first?” I was going to break down and sob on the table if she said yes.
Nicola shook her head. “No, she’s not.” She paused. “When we were friends, there was something there, didn’t you think? That was my first inkling, anyway.”
She was even a little bit hesitant when she said it — she wasn’t sure if I remembered. She had absolutely no idea just how much I remembered.
I remembered all of it. Every single little detail.
“I mean, have you ever thought about us since then? I have. When we kissed in the library... I was just, too scared. Too scared to contemplate it. So I went for the easier option.”
If I’d been worried we’d be stuck for small talk, it turned out I needn’t have been concerned. Nicola Sheen didn’t do small talk. My head was spinning just trying to keep up.
“The easier option was getting pregnant?” I raised an eyebrow as I said it.
She grimaced. “No, that bit I didn’t plan. But it seems like I get pregnant at the drop of a hat, so that’s one of the upsides of switching teams. I don’t need to worry about that any more.” She didn’t look me in the eye.
“As soon as we kissed, I knew I was gay,” I said. “No boy had ever made me feel like that.” Apparently I didn’t do small talk today either. I stared at the table, not daring to look up. Her gaze was already scorching the side of my face. “So yes, I’ve thought about you since, which is why I was so surprised when you turned up the other night. And that you were marrying Melanie.”
She gazed at me and bit her lip. “I know. Which is why I thought we should meet up. Because of how we left things.”
“Badly?” So badly, I wanted to curl up on the library floor and never move again? Did she know my whole world shifted, and then she just whipped the rug from underneath me and walked away without a single look back?
I picked up the small pink packet of sugar lounging in my saucer, folded the top, then put it down again. All the while, I avoided Nicola’s gaze. If she wanted me to just consign our kiss to history and not acknowledge what it was, I couldn’t. Our kiss made me realise I was a lesbian. Our kiss meant something. Still, it upset me how much it still meant. Maybe Holly had a point — maybe I did cling on to things.
When I eventually risked looking at Nicola, her face was hesitant. “I had no choice but to leave — my parents were adamant.” She sighed and fidgeted with her spoon. “And then after I left and had the miscarriage, I went to sixth form and met Callum. He was lovely. But I got pregnant again within a year, he proposed and I said yes.” She shrugged. “But it was never going to work, because, well...”
“You’re gay?” I finally glanced in her direction to see her answer.
She nodded. “Yes, because I’m gay. Callum was pretty good about it all really, considering. We still see each other because of Heath, but that’s it.”
“And you met Melanie online?”
She nodded. “I had a couple of girlfriends before her — being a firefighter is a help, women throw themselves at you.”
I cleared my throat. “I bet.”
“But Melanie, she was just... different. And I’m ready to put down some roots. And I want the stability for Heath too — a loving home with two parents.”
If Nicola was thinking she’d have a stable home with Melanie involved, I didn’t want to be the one to break it to her that she might not be the perfect person to pick.
“How old’s Heath?” I said, changing the subject.
“Six — I’ll show you a picture.” She fished her iPhone out of her bag and pulled up a photo of a gap-toothed boy with both thumbs up.
“He looks like you.” And he did — the same almond eyes, the same mouth.
She smiled. “Everyone says that.” She drank some more coffee.
I cleared my throat and she looked up.
“What?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
Nicola crossed her legs and regarded me. “You were going to say something, so please, say it.”
