Page 36 of Christmas Romance Galore!
A bit of magic in my life would go down rather well right about now.
“Tori?”
I turned to Holly and sighed. “I know.” I was resigned. “I know all that, but it’s hard to walk away when there’s a row of what-ifs hanging over the outcome. What if we’d got together at 16? What if her getting together with Melanie was just so that we could meet again?”
“What if she’s a cheat with a child and no home?”
“I know,” I replied.
“She’s not the same person she was at school. Or maybe she is, and that’s the point.”
“I know.” I was getting agitated, even though I agreed with what Holly was saying. I absolutely did, it was just my feelings hadn’t quite caught up with my brain. “But sometimes, it’s difficult to walk away from someone even if they’re unsuitable and emotionally all over the place. Do you get what I mean?” My eyes bore into Holly — I wanted her to understand.
She looked away and took a deep breath. “You don’t know everything about me, Tori. You think you do, but you don’t.”
Monday December 12th
The following day at work and I was feeling guilty about yesterday and my temporary bout of insanity. It hadn’t been fair to Holly or to Nicola. However, my attention was temporarily diverted by the toaster being on fire. Again. This time it wasn’t my fault though.
I held my breath as the fire engine drew up, but Nicola wasn’t on board. I couldn’t decide if I was relieved or disappointed. Whichever, I knew I needed to see her again, to really sort things out — we needed proper closure, yesterday had made that clear. I couldn’t turn into Tonya Harding every time I saw her with Melanie.
So at lunchtime, having asked one of the firefighters which station they were deployed from, I hopped on a bus and was there within 15 minutes — she’d worked just around the corner all this time. It would be funny if I could locate my sense of humour.
The station looked deserted apart from two fire engines, which were gleaming on the forecourt. I walked in and spotted a man in uniform bending over some equipment. When I asked about Nicola, he looked me up and down, then pointed towards an office tucked away on the right-hand side.
She was the boss, so of course she had her own office.
I walked over, took a deep breath, smoothed down my coat and knocked on the door.
“Come in!”
I did as I was told.
Nicola’s face fell when she saw me. “Victoria.” She tapped a pen on her desk and fidgeted in her chair. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought I should come and sort things out.” I paused. “Can I have a seat?”
She motioned to the free one on the other side of her desk. “Please.” She tugged at her shirt collar and cleared her throat. “How are you?” Her eyes searched mine.
I screwed up my face. “Not brilliant.” I decided to take the bull by the horns — I didn’t have much time, so small talk wasn’t on the cards.
Besides, Nicola hated small talk.
“I wasn’t really sure what to do after the other night. And then we saw each other skating yesterday... I don’t want that to happen again.” My throat was clogging up with emotion, but my voice was coming out clean and clear. Decisive, almost.
“Me neither,” Nicola replied, not looking me in the eye now. “Saturday was a mistake. And yesterday at the ice rink didn’t help. Tell Holly thanks for mowing me down.”
I didn’t move my gaze from hers. “She wasn’t to blame.” It was a statement, not one to be messed with. “Anyway, I can’t stay long, I’ve got a meeting in an hour. I just want to know we’re okay, seeing as we will be bumping into each other again. The lesbian scene isn’t that big, no matter what anyone tells you.” I was relying on Nicola for a solid answer.
She shrugged, which wasn’t the best response for the current situation. “We’re going to have to be, aren’t we? I can’t walk away from Melanie. She’s good for me. I’m not going to mess this one up too.”
I frowned. “You shouldn’t marry someone because you think you owe them something.”
“I know.” Nicola paused, before fixing me with those eyes again. “But we’re solid. She’s dependable.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. And me and you... the other night — it was like we were just picking up where we left off. It’s too hard. I’ve always had feelings for you, but they mess with my head.”
