Page 46 of Christmas Romance Galore!
She put up her hand to shield her face. “Not the pout!” she said. “Save me from the pout!” She paused. “I’ll think about it.”
“Thank you,” I replied. “But staying serious for a minute, I do want to say sorry again — about everything. I was an idiot and we’re worth so much more than any love interest in my life. We’ve been through so much together, and that matters.” A train rumbled past and I waited before continuing.
“So tonight is my very humble and really not quite grand enough way of starting to say sorry. But this is only the beginning. For a start, I’m paying for the Dixie Chicks tickets, taking you out to dinner beforehand, and will also buy you another night out, all expenses paid. You deserve it.”
Holly’s face registered surprise, then she curled her mouth up into a smile that reached her eyes. I hoped I was fulfilling my part of the bargain, of taking responsibility for my mistakes.
“To us,” I said, holding up my bottle. “Whatever life throws at us, let’s always stay friends and have each other’s back, no matter what.”
Holly raised her beer bottle back towards mine. “To us,” she said, fixing me with her gaze. “I’ve always had your back, and I always will.”
My stomach dropped as she looked into my eyes. I recognised the feeling in the pit of my stomach, but it wasn’t a feeling I was used to having with Holly.
Excitement. Attraction. Desire.
I opened my eyes wide as the shock of the revelation jolted my heart, but I managed to control my breathing and style it out. However, when I gazed at Holly’s face, I was pretty sure I saw just what I was feeling reflected right back at me.
Holy batshit. Was this what Nicola had meant when she’d said we could never have a relationship with Holly around? And was this what all my mum’s raised eyebrows and unspoken questions had been about too? Did Holly like me like that? It was far too many questions for my brain to cope with. As I stared at Holly, my clit twitched and I closed my eyes.
Then I shot up from the sofa, ignoring the static in the air and the fluttering in my chest. If I was about to have a heart attack, this was not the best time for it. I’d thought tonight, of all nights, was going to be complication-free, but apparently not.
“I’m just going to check the dinner.” I scooted over to the oven, avoiding looking at Holly for fear I might blurt something out or give something away — what, I wasn’t quite sure.
“You only just put it in.”
She was right, of course.
“Yeah, but I was just thinking that perhaps I should have seasoned the duck.”
When I turned, my gaze fell on Holly and my vision went blurry. It was as if I’d been seeing her one way my whole life, and now, someone had flipped a switch and Holly was a femme fatale. In grey furry slippers. Her short, dark hair flopped adorably on to her forehead, a lot less fussy than it would have been had we been going out tonight. Her T-shirt now clung to all the right places and I blushed as my gaze stopped momentarily on Holly’s breasts before looking away quickly.
“Do you think I should season the duck?” I opened the cupboard to look for seasoning. Then I looked back to Holly. “What does seasoning mean, exactly? I’ve never known that, it always seems a bit general, doesn’t it?” I was babbling, which was strangely reassuring. It meant I was reacting as I normally did when I liked someone.
But now Holly was putting down her beer and walking over to me, and I wasn’t sure I could take such close proximity now that the cat was out of the bag and my heart was telling me its deepest, darkest secrets. I might implode if she came within three feet of me.
When I’d thought about getting together with Nicola, there had always been something holding me back, always been a missing piece of the jigsaw puzzle. Something beyond the fact she was a relative stranger with personal baggage galore.
Standing here in front of Holly, there were no questions, no what-ifs. The puzzle was complete and everything slotted into place. I knew everything there was to know about Holly and I liked it all. I’d been so busy running around and creating drama, I hadn’t stopped to see what was right in front of me. And what was right in front of me was so much more than an image on a dating app. Holly was a 3D person and she was everything I was looking for.
However, the prospect of acting on that piece of the puzzle was absolutely terrifying, because what if it went wrong? I risked losing everything. Our friendship, my home, my security — and my love for Holly. Because I did love her, I always had as a friend. But turning it into something more? That was too much to comprehend.
“What do you mean, what’s seasoning?” Holly asked.
What was she talking about? My mind drew a blank. Seasoning? I’d been hit with a startling new revelation in my life, and Holly was talking about seasoning?
But no, hang on, I’d been talking about seasoning, hadn’t I? The rest had been an internal dialogue with just me participating. Right, I remembered now. Seasoning.
I blinked.
Holly furrowed her brow. “You okay? You’re acting very strangely.”
The heat from her body was leaping on to mine and I felt dizzy. Weak. I had to focus.
“Fine,” I said. I buried my head back inside the cupboard so she couldn’t see the panic written in pink highlighter on my face or the fear currently lodged squarely in my chest and throat. What if I vomited all over her? I really shouldn’t have had that tiramisu dessert with my mum at lunchtime.
“So which seasoning did you say?” My head was still in the cupboard. “I’ve got Cajun, nutmeg, coriander, mixed herbs.” I twisted the small pots of herbs to read their labels.
Holly touched my arm lightly. “Tori, come out of the cupboard.”
