Page 6 of Christmas Romance Galore!
I decided Ruby was a contender — she had an easy smile and was wearing heels, which showed effort or stupidity, depending on how you looked at it. Her hair looked like it had been dipped in sunshine and she made me feel completely at ease, which was no mean feat. Perhaps the girlfriend quest would be over before December had even dawned? Perhaps Ruby was the one to tip the balance and prove that not everyone on the internet was desperate?
She seemed too good to be true. Why the hell was she still single?
Two hours later, I had my first clue as to just why that might be.
First, Ruby was a fan of drinking and this became obvious to me just over an hour into our date. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a teetotal prude, far from it. However, Ruby was on to her fifth pint of lager while I was still sipping my second glass of wine. Perhaps she was nervous and deserved the benefit of the doubt? All of a sudden, that wrinkled skin around her eyes made more sense.
Second, by her fifth pint, she also told me she’d love to introduce me to Jesus Christ our Lord. A personal introduction? I was flattered.
“What are you doing on Thursday?” Ruby asked, her eyes glassy, her skin blotchy.
“Why?” Nothing that involved her, I was pretty sure.
“We’ve got a special ‘Let Jesus Into Your Life At Christmas’ evening at our church. I’d love for you to come along,” she replied.
“Oh, I’m busy on Thursday,” I lied, smiling.
I checked my watch. With any luck, Holly should be ringing any minute now with my get-out-of-jail phone call.
* * *
Holly forgot her emergency call.
Tuesday November 29th
“An extra hour of pain and an extra £7 — that’s what your failed call cost me.” I scowled at Holly from one end of our grey sofa. She was lying on the longer part as usual, with the TV set to the food channel. When left alone, Holly had been known to ingest three or four hours of food programming at a time. It was a habit that needed checking occasionally.
“Why £7?”
“That’s how much my extra glass of wine cost me.” I paused. “I should charge you.”
Holly spluttered as she laughed. “You could try, but I don’t think you’d get very far.”
I sighed and spread my palms upwards. “I’m just not sure this internet dating game is for me. I mean, how can things go so wrong? On paper, she was perfect.” I sighed. “We’re on to day four now, it’s nearly December. I don’t have time to waste.”
“You’re being unrealistic. This was your first date. The next one is bound to be better. I mean, it really has to be judging by what you just told me.” Holly was eating a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch and the smell was seeping into every square inch of the living room.
“I know,” I said. “But it was a pretty inauspicious start.” I frowned my best frown.
“It could have been worse — at least she was pretty.” Holly licked her fingers of Monster Munch debris. “And she liked a bit of Jesus, so what? You like Barry Manilow, everybody has their vices.” She gave me a wide grin. “Anyhow, date number two is a goer. I can feel it in my bones. What’s her name again?”
“Anna,” I replied.
Holly gave a curt nod. “She sounds reliable. Anna won’t let you down. She’ll laugh at your jokes, I guarantee it.”
I didn’t look so sure. “I dunno — she sounds like a librarian.”
Holly scrunched up her face. “And what’s wrong with librarians? Without them, the world would be in chaos. In my experience, librarians are cool, calm and collected. And they know where you left your keys.”
“She’s not actually a librarian. She does something in the City.”
Holly yawned, mouth wide open, arms stretched above her head. “Even better. Ordered and rich. She can sort your spreadsheets out. And if this one fails, just remember, you’ve got me to come home to. What could be better?”
I gave her a wide smile. “Just don’t forget the phone call this time, okay?”
“That’s the spirit,” Holly replied.
Thursday December 1st
