Page 7 of Line of Fire
CHAPTER SIX
Aaron could barely choke down dinner, worried about what he promised Sunny they would talk about when they got home. He was finally going to tell someone besides Tag or his therapist about leaving his company to die on the side of a mountain, while he and two others made it home alive. The guilt still ate him up, and he wasn’t sure he could say the words out loud to her. What if she looked at him differently? Or worse, what if she couldn’t look at him at all? If she kicked him out of her life, he wouldn’t blame her, but it would hurt like hell. He knew that he wasn’t good enough for Sunny; that’s why he left all those months ago. He was certain that he wasn’t good enough to be a father, but he wanted like hell to try to be. He wanted to give his daughter the world. He just needed to tell his story to Sunny and hope like hell that she could forgive him when he couldn’t forgive himself.
Sunny took his arm as Aaron offered to help her down from his truck. He loved his condo because it had underground parking, and in the snowy, cold winter, that was a godsend. She stopped walking for a moment, almost doubling over to hold her belly.
“You all right, Sunny?” Aaron asked.
“Yep, just a contraction. It’s done now,” she whispered. He wrapped her protectively in his arms, not quite sure what to do.
“Do we need to go to the hospital?” He felt panicked, and Sunny seemed so calm. He was pretty sure that was the way this parenting thing was going to work. One of them would freak out while the other calmly got them all through the crisis. They were a good team; he just hoped that Sunny saw that too.
She giggled. “Nope. I get them a lot now. The doctor said it’s just my body’s way of getting ready for the big event. He said I’ll know when it’s the real deal.” Aaron let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding.
“And you’ll let me know?” He felt silly asking, but he wasn’t quite sure where they stood with everything. “You know when it is the real deal.” Sunny giggled again and nodded. “Good.” He kissed her lips lightly. “You go on in and get comfortable, and I’ll lug all our daughter’s crap in.”
“She doesn’t have crap! She’s not even born yet, and she has more clothes than I do,” Sunny grumbled, rubbing her belly as she waddled into the elevator. Aaron watched as the doors closed and then made his way back to his truck. He took a load up, returning twice more to finish up. On his last trip, he noticed that his back passenger tire was deflated. He looked it over, thinking he probably ran over a nail on the road, but instead found that the tire looked like it was punctured by a pocketknife. He searched the garage but found no one else around. He carried the last load up to his condo and decided to distract Sunny, not wanting her to worry. He couldn’t think of anyone who would puncture his tire, but it wasn’t an accident. He ran her a bath and got her settled before grabbing his cell to call Tag. His best friend picked up on the third ring.
“Is Sunny in labor?” Tag barked into the phone.
Aaron sighed, “No. But I may have a situation, and I think I’m going to need some help.” He told Tag about finding his truck’s tire slashed, and he agreed that it didn’t seem right. Tag offered to call down to the police station and have one of Sawyer’s guys run over to check it out. Aaron thanked him and ended the call. It felt damn good to be back home, where he could count on his friends to step in to help when needed. With that issue taken care of, for the time being, he needed to focus on Sunny. Aaron was going to tell her his whole gruesome story, and he hoped like hell she would still want him to be a part of both her and their baby’s lives because he couldn’t imagine his future without either of them. It was now or never. If he didn’t tell Sunny his story tonight, it would loom over him, never allowing him to move forward. He gently knocked on the master bathroom door and waited for Sunny to answer.
“Aaron, you can come in,” she said. “You did just see me naked last night, for crying out loud.” He took a deep breath and opened the door. Seeing Sunny naked was something that he dreamed about for months, but she was so much better than his dreams. He wanted to strip out of his clothes and join her in the tub, but he wasn’t sure what she would allow.
“Well, are you getting in or not? Don’t just stand there gawking!” Aaron took that as all the invitation that he needed. He had his clothes off within thirty seconds and was sliding into the tub behind Sunny. She lay back against him, and he gently washed her belly, loving the little kicks from the baby.
“She’s active tonight,” he whispered, almost afraid that the baby would hear him and stop kicking his hands.
“She is active every night.” Sunny lay back on his shoulder. “I think she is going to be a night owl. What will we do then?” Aaron shrugged, wrapping his leg across hers, loving the feel of her body against his.
“Well, we will just have to tag team. I think we can handle one baby, Sunny. We got this.” Sunny let out a sob, and he wrapped himself around her, holding her close.
“Dammit, Aaron, I didn’t want to need you like this, but I do. I’m so angry at you for leaving me, and I’m even more upset that you spent one night with me and then didn’t speak to me for months. I just don’t understand what I did that was so terrible that you ignored me for all those months, with not even a note to tell me that you were safe. I worried so much.” Aaron kissed the top of her head, not knowing what to say. He had no defense—he was an ass.
“I’d say that I am sorry, but I don’t think that would cover it, baby. I fucked up big time, and now I’m trying to fix everything. I’m so fucking thankful that you are giving me a chance and letting me back into your life—well, both of your lives.” He rubbed her belly, and Sunny sank back against his body again. “All I can say is when I ran, and the way that I treated you had nothing to do with anything that you did or didn’t do. You are perfect, Sunny. I acted like a Class A asshole because I’m fucked up and I’m afraid that I’m not good enough for you.” Sunny shook her head against his chest as if she wanted to protest, and he held her still. “Just hear me out before you go and decide that I deserve to be in your or our baby’s lives because what I have to say may just change your mind.” Sunny didn’t speak, just nodded her head against his shoulder. “You know that a little over five years ago, I was in the Wolf Creek Pass fire.” Again, Sunny nodded her head against his chest. “Yes, it was horrible, Aaron. So many men were lost that day, I’m so sorry.” Aaron kissed the top of Sunny’s head, loving the way she tried to comfort him. But he needed to get the whole story out first.
“They were my friends—my brothers, and now they are all gone. I was just out of firefighting school, and my whole company was trained in fighting forest fires, so we were sent upthe mountain after the three fires merged into one. It was the scariest fucking thing I ever saw; the way the whole side of the mountain was on fire, it was almost like the fire was alive. We were dropped off about a mile out from where the fire was at its worst. The heat felt like it went straight through me and all my equipment; it felt like my skin was melting. We started digging trenches, trying to guide the fire in a certain direction to derail it from hitting the next town. So many people lost their homes; everything that they owned was gone in a matter of minutes. Helicopters were flying in and out, dropping flame retardants, but nothing was working. The winds kept shifting, and the fire was moving so fast it was almost impossible to guess where it was going to go next.”
“Oh God, Aaron, that sounds awful,” Sunny whispered
Aaron nodded, “It was, and it gets worse.” He almost didn’t want to finish his story because then he wouldn’t have to think about his friends who didn’t make it back down.
“Go on,” Sunny prompted.
“We were about to retreat, but our captain, Travis Reid, wasn’t able to get base camp on the radio, and he didn’t want to give up on our efforts to stop the fire. He played hero, trying to save the town, and told us to stay put. That’s when the winds shifted again, blowing the fire back in our direction. By the time Travis knew what hit us, it was too late. Most of the men were already dead or surrounded by fire. I couldn’t do anything to save any of them. I grabbed the guy closest to me, and we started running down the mountain towards town. I saw a fucking opening and I took it. I didn’t even look back; I just kept running like a fucking coward.” Aaron ran his hands through his hair, making it stand on end. He was thankful that he told Sunny the story while they were in the tub—that way, he couldn’t see the horror on her face at what he did. “I left them all there to die, Sunny. I didn’t even try to go back; I was too scared. Imade it out with two other guys, and we haven’t seen each other or spoken about any of it since. Hell, the only people that I’ve ever told any of this to are Tag and my therapist, and well, now you.” He held Sunny in his arms, wishing that she would say something, but at the same time, scared shitless that she would call him out for being the coward that he was.
“What were you supposed to do, Aaron?” Fuck, she sounded pissed. “If you went back up that mountain to try to save your friends, what would have happened?” Sunny pulled herself up from his lap and got out of the tub, refusing to even look at him. He stood to follow her, helping her pull on her robe. He was afraid that he had already lost her with the way that she was running away from him.
“I don’t know what would have happened. I might have been able to save one or two of them. Instead, I ran like a coward while I listened to them scream for help. I hear those screams of pain and men dying every night in my sleep. I have nightmares where I see their faces and listen to them tell me how I let them down. The only time that I’ve had a decent night’s sleep was our night together and last night. You help me to forget, Sunny.” He held out his hand to her, hopeful that he could still reach her before she completely shut him out. She shook her head, and he let his arms drop to his sides, defeated.
“Please don’t tell me that you ran away like a coward, Aaron Steele. You did what you needed to do to survive, and I’m so fucking thankful that you did.” Sunny threw herself into his arms and wrapped hers around him. He was shocked that she was able to touch him after what he had admitted. How could she be grateful that he was alive when fifteen of his friends were not? “God, Aaron, all these years, and you’ve been dealing with the guilt that you left those men to die? If anyone is to blame, it’s your captain. He didn’t make the right call and had you all retreat. Even he couldn’t be held accountable for knowinghow the winds were going to shift and blow the fire back in your direction. Maybe you should cut yourself a break.” Aaron couldn’t help himself; he pulled Sunny in closer, holding onto her like she was his lifeline. Truthfully, she was becoming that and so much more to him.
“Thank fuck you don’t hate me, baby. I thought for sure that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me after I told you the whole story.” Sunny sighed against Aaron’s chest.
“So, you thought that I would be pissed off at you for surviving? That I wouldn’t understand the basic human emotions of loss and guilt that you experienced that day? You don’t give me enough credit, Aaron.” She pulled away from him, and he immediately felt her loss. Tag warned him that Sunny could go from weepy and sobbing to a complete badass spitting fire in thirty seconds flat, but he just didn’t experience it yet. Her pregnancy hormones had her completely out of whack. “Well, when you say it like that, honey, it sounds bad. When I stopped talking to you and left town, it was to protect you from me. I thought that after our one night together, I would be able to walk away and spare you from being disappointed in me. I couldn’t stand it if you thought worse of me for what happened that day. But when you say it like that—no, I wasn’t considering your feelings about anything, baby, and I’m sorry.” He felt like he needed to brace himself for what was about to come his way. Sunny looked mad enough to spit nails. Sunny squared her shoulders to face him full on.
“Let’s get one thing straight, Aaron. You can’t just decide how I’m going to feel about something and then make decisions on how to handle everything. You should have told me what happened; we were at least friends before you left for California,” Sunny said.
Aaron barked out his laugh. “Honey, we were way more than just fucking friends, and you know it.” Sunny nodded her headand waved her hands in the air as if trying to erase what she just said. “Fine, we were more than friends. But you took away all my choices when it came to us.” She motioned between the two of them, and Aaron took a timid step towards her.
