Page 241 of The Spider Queen
I held my breath. “How many will I have?”
She smiled gently. “That’s for me to know. Let some things remain a surprise.”
Chapter 55
“Should we go back?” Cass asked.
“You go. I need some more time here.”
“Are you sure? I hate to leave you…”
I smiled up at her. “Nothing will try to harm me.”
She cocked her head to the side. “You know how to change now. Into your spider form.”
“Yes.”
“I look forward to seeing that some day.” Cass smiled and then padded her way back toward the fortress. I couldn’t even hear her footsteps.
Her words about me changing rang inside my mind. I’d changed in more ways than she knew. What was I truly afraid of now? I’d died—I’d let go of Thane so he could live and love again. I’d given him the last of my essence to help him defeat his brother. I’d killed a man I once loved, all to save the world. Why was I hung up on suchhumanworries? I was immortal now. As long as another creature didn’t try to end my life, then I had a long existence ahead of me.
But I supposed I hadn’t yet let go of my human hopes and dreams. My human family. All of that didn’t just disappear because I became immortal. Though I had a conflicted relationship with my parents, that didn’t mean I wished them any sadness. And my cousin? She’d been my best friend. What would they do if they learned I was alive, that I hadn’t gone crazy? A part of me wished they could know, but I quickly realized the futility of it. I now lived in a world that humans weren’t a part of. They were not meant to know about our realm. No. Better they lived in innocence and naiveté.
To truly protect them, I had to let them go. I had to let them mourn me and hopefully learn to live with the pain. Telling them I was alive would only do more harm. I had to let my human life go because I wasn’t human and would never be again.
Just when I thought about getting up and heading back to bed, my spiders pulsed with emotion. I felt them reaching out with their silken threads to spin around a tiny golden seed deep within me.
“Oh,” I whispered in awareness. Cass’s words about my children came floating back to me. She’d been trying to tell me without actually telling me.
The air crackled with energy, and then I felt the heat of him at my back.
“You didn’t just beg formylife. Did you?” I asked, my voice soft, barely heard over the gentle waves.
“No,” he said, his voice as dark as the shadows, but as warm as languid humid nights.
“The gold in your eyes…?”
“Yes. The moment you conceived my eyes turned gold.”
“You knew and you didn’t tell me. Why?” It didn’t come out as an accusation.
Thane wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back into the comfort of his chest. “I think I wanted it to be just the two of us for a little while longer. We had just found each other.”
I let out a small laugh. “Then maybe we should’ve thought about using some form of immortal birth control.” Did such a thing even exist?
Thane brushed the hair away from my nape. “I thought we’d both die, Poppy. I thought we were marching toward our own deaths. And I—I don’t know. I don’t think I planned forafter. How do you plan for an after when you expect to die? I thought our time together was finite. I’m deeply gratified to know that it’s not.” He spread his hands across my belly, and I felt heat curl inside me.
“How do you feel about it?” I asked.
“How doyoufeel about it?”
The million-dollar question. A few hours ago before we went to bed, I’d been thinking that I needed more in my long immortal life than to just be a mother.
I wasn’t ready for this. Not by a long shot.
Cassandra claimed our children would change the fabric of the universe. I wanted to protect the tiny being inside me for as long as I could. I silently begged the spiders to reinforce their web.
“Poppy?” Thane urged when I hadn’t answered, lost in my own thoughts.
