Page 343 of The Spider Queen
“Differently how?”
“He wouldn’t have traded his aid for yours.”
“Traded aid. You mean bartering so that I would stay with you for eight months and help your people?”
“I told you about his tender heart?” I nodded and she went on. “Your story only makes him want to help you more. Protect you more.”
“I don’t need protecting.”
“Right. There’s that issue too. Aloysius is now feeling completely inadequate.”
“Save me from the male ego,” I huffed.
She smiled though she tried not to. “Do you know why my brother hasn’t married?”
“That’s not something he’s discussed with me, no.”
“Because he can’t find his equal.” Her gaze narrowed when she looked at me.
“But I’m not either,” I pointed out.
“You’re right,” she said. “You surpass him. And he wasn’t prepared for that.”
“Surpass him? What makes you say that?”
“Because the Prince of Darkness wants to keep you for himself.” She cocked her head to the side. “And I think you want to be kept.”
“I don’t,” I protested. It was a knee-jerk reaction and only marginally true.
“Oh, come on.” She rolled her eyes. “I saw your face when you described him. You can’t deny it, Stella. You want him.”
“Of course I want him,” I admitted easily. “He’s made me feel all the things I never thought I was capable of feeling. That doesn’t mean I want to be kept by him.”
“And there’s the sex thing.”
“The sex thing. Yeah.” I looked away from her. It had been so long since I’d had a female friend to confide in. I’d told Meghan my history, but I wondered if I could share more. If we could relate woman to woman.
“It’s foolish, though. Naive. If I don’t find the last pearl, then I don’t own myself. I have to own myself. I have to be able to choose.”
“It’s okay you know. Wanting to choose him.”
“I’m not sure it is. You don’t just choose the King of Hell. He’s opportunistic and a manipulator. He bargains and refuses to cave. I—what if I feel more for him than he does for me? What if he only wants me because of what I can do for him?”
“And what can you do for him?” she asked.
“I’m the balm to his burdens.”
“Did you ever think that maybe, he wasn’t asking you to ease his suffering the way you do for humans, but to love him? Did you think that that might be enough to help him?”
I blinked. “Love? Is he even capable of love?”
“We’re not talking about his abilities. We’re talking about yours.”
“I do love him,” I admitted slowly. “At least, I think I do. I know I feel lust for him.”
“You feel more for Lucifer than lust. Otherwise, you would’ve fallen into Aloysius’s arms. He may be my brother, but I’m aware of his charm.”
“No man deserves to feel like he is second place,” I murmured. “But whatever I feel for Lucifer, I know it’s more than I’ll ever be able to feel for anyone else. And that is the only emotion I’ll admit to.”
