Page 126 of The Spider Queen
I couldn’t stand the look of pain on Hunter’s face, so I turned away from him. I sat down and curled into a ball and began to cry. And because he was Hunter, he tried to comfort me, even though he was the one who was truly hurting, even whenI’dbeen the one to hurt him.
“Don’t.” I shook him off, wanting privacy, wanting to be alone. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and the deeper I voyaged into the ground, the more I lost myself.
Maybe you’re finding yourself,Thane suggested.Maybe you’re stripping away all the extraneous layers of your person, whittling yourself down to your essence.
Essence, I sneered.I’m not even sure I know what that is.
Just keep walking, Poppy.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I keep changing. I keep hurting Hunter along the way.
What about you? Are you hurting?
To hurt him hurts me.
What about me,he asked.Do you care that you hurt me?
Yes,I answered with honesty, hating myself for another reason. I was raw and open and there was no hiding anything from anyone.
From my spot on the dirt, I looked up at Hunter. “If I could change this, I would.”
He stared at me for a long moment before his eyes slipped away, his face blanched and pale. “I thought we were done with lies, Poppy.”
Chapter 49
I didn’t know how long I spent crying on the cold, hard ground. At some point, Hunter had moved to sit on the steps, clutching a bottle of water and staring into the flames of one of the magical torches lining the staircase wall.
When I finally felt like I’d expelled all the salt from my body, I wiped my tears and stood.
“Are you still with me?” I asked through a smattering of hiccoughs.
“Yeah, I’m still with you. I have to protect you.”
His voice sounded dead.
I loved Hunter. Or at least I thought I did. But if I loved him why had my truth involved Thane? Why did I lust for Thane when I should’ve only wanted Hunter?
And then I realized—I desired them both.
For different reasons. Hunter was a protector—myprotector. He would die for me. But that was also because he loved me.
Thane didn’t love me. Thane wanted me because I could free him. And yet, he instilled in me a passion so deep it had the potential to consume me.
Do you truly care about me?I asked Thane as I continued to walk down another set of spiraling stairs, Hunter at my side.
I refuse to tell you like this.
Like this? You mean through our connection?
No, I mean likethis.When you’re desperate and spinning. I want to see you, hold you when I tell you how I feel about you.
Are you happy? You finally have a piece of me.
No, I’m not happy. Because I don’t have all of you. Part of your heart is still with Hunter.
You’ll never get that part from me,I vowed.
Who are you trying to convince?
