Page 295 of The Spider Queen
I trembled and closed my eyes. He affected me. That much was true. I couldn’t summon the energy to hold him at bay.
“Desire is nothing.” I opened my eyes but found Lucifer’s gaze trained on his dog.
“Desire is everything,” he negated. “It’s truth.”
“Why?”
“Why?” he repeated. “Because it is.”
“Desire is irrational. You can desire something—or something--bad for you. Desire has the power to destroy.”
He smirked.
I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry. I couldn’t justify it, my fascination with him. I couldn’t explain why I’d felt like I’d been moving through life, asleep, and then I’d met Lucifer. It was like I’d awakened from a long dream. Maybe it had been all because of the mage’s spell. It had dulled my true self; and now that I knew my identity, I felt like my body and mind had come alive.
Lucifer strode close to me, slowly, like one would approach a frightened, caged animal. That’s what I was. Caged, and at his mercy.
“Have I been unkind to you?” he whispered when he was standing in front of me.
“No.”
“Have I taken anything without asking?”
I shook my head.
“My only crime”—his hand came up to caress my cheek—“is wanting you.” He looked at me for a long moment and then let his hand drop. “I wonder if you’re woman enough to want me back.”
Chapter 12
After Lucifer made his pronouncement, he scooped up Cerberus and then launched into the sky. A black shadow in the night. Not even the moon or starlight exposed him.
He truly was the Prince of Darkness.
I walked through the meadow of Eden and perched on the top of a hill. I watched the sunrise.
Alone.
Golden light painted the green grass and it seemed as though the land itself was waking. Far off in the distance, I was able to see the Tree of Life swaying in the sunshine. Its ancient beauty called to me.
The night had been peaceful, beautiful, but the dawning of the new day—a new day in Hell—was majestic. I’d never been to any part of the world that had been as comparatively stunning.
Hell was so beautiful I wept. I sat on the hill and cried as the sun’s rays shone through the leaves of the Tree and blades of grass.
I cried for so many things. So many emotions within me that couldn’t be contained. They belonged to me—mostly. But I also cried for my biological parents and the years we had lost together after I left them. I cried for Lucifer. And every time I tried to summon up a geyser of anger, it would be obliterated by sorrow. By pity.
He was alone, and he was lonely.
I remembered the first time I felt him. I’d been nothing more than an embryo in my mother’s womb. Lucifer had reached out with his magic to touch me, to learn me. I’d felt his pain like it had been my own, but my mother had thought he was hurting me on purpose. He wasn’t.
He’d chosen me because of what he knew I could do for him. Siphon off his grief and rage and pain and throw it away like it was nothing.
He’d chosen me to be his personal balm.
I should’ve been enraged over his cavalier selfishness, but even back then I knew I could help him. I’dwantedto help him. That was the part neither of us had addressed.
That was something I chose not to dwell on.
My parents had kept me confined to Purgatory to keep me safe. And then they’d let me go, to live as a mortal, hiding in plain sight of Lucifer.
