Page 350 of The Spider Queen
“I don’t follow.”
I bit my lip in pensive thought. “You were there. During the Trojan War. You sacked a legendary city. You claim to be damned, wicked. And perhaps you are. Maybe you did terrible things when you were human.” I placed my hand on his arm. “But you helped me in my quest even though you didn’t have to.”
“I am a killer.”
“Youwere,” I agreed. “If you kill him—I pointed to Cyclops—you will be again. And you will prove that nature doesn’t change. That we are who we are and that not even millennia can change that fact.”
“Is this even about me at all? Or is it about him?”
I swallowed. “Both, I think.”
“He has sowed seeds of discontent that have raged into long, bloody wars. He has taken what does not belong to him. He is evil and wicked, and the reason for so much strife in the world.”
“I know,” I murmured. “And if I were anyone else, ifmynature were different, then I wouldn’t love him. But I do. Idolove him.”
“Why?”
“Because there is more to him than the evil he has done. Just like you are more than the man who spilled from the belly of the Trojan Horse and killed.
“I believe we change, Jax. Yes, I believe we essentially are who we are, but I also believe we’re capable of change. If we really desire that change.”
I fell silent. We stared at Cyclops who was now weeping softly, tears seeping from his scabbed wound.
“What will you do now?” Jax asked.
“I’d like to go to Purgatory. I haven’t been there in a few years.”
“Would you like me to fly you across the sea?”
I looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you. But no. There’s a ship, just off the coast of the island.”
I needed some time to process everything. Time to sort out my messy emotions where Lucifer was concerned. I wondered if I’d ever be able to figure them out.
“I think we should let him go,” I said, nodding my chin at Cyclops. “He can’t hurt us. He’s blind and alone. And I think he’s bound to this island without the ability to ever leave. That’s punishment enough, don’t you think?”
“Hmm. It would be a mercy kill.” Jax shook his head. “And that would be too good for him.”
I looked to the jungle, not wishing to have to walk for days through it again.
“I will take you up on the offer of a flight, though,” I said with a rueful smile. “Just to the beach?”
“That I can do.” He cocked his head to the side. “You look like yourself again.”
“How’s that?”
“Fair skin. Curly dark hair.”
I looked down at the bangle on my wrist. I moved it up my arm to see the pale skin.
“I wonder why I’ve changed back,” I said.
“I know not the ways of magic.” He shrugged. “But according to you, we can change, so why wouldn’t your appearance?”
What changes had I really gone through while wandering in the desert? Plagued by insanity, sun-blistered skin… Did I feel different in my own body? Not really. But I was more honest with myself, no longer afraid to admit the things that might’ve caused me shame in the past.
“We love who we love,” Jax said softly. “Right or wrong.”
I swallowed. “Yes. But love isn’t enough.”
