Page 147 of Fall of a Kingdom
He looked at me quizzically.
I bathed my dry lips with my tongue. “Is this why you haven’t rained down hell on me even though I lied to you about the tumor?”
He clenched his jaw, and I knew I was correct.
“No more free passes,” I said quietly. “For either of us.”
“It’s that simple, is it?”
“Were you hoping I’d get mad at you for your admission and then you’d have the excuse to get mad at me back? Finally blow up at me for all the wrongs I’ve done?”
“I don’t know what I was hoping for,” he said, voice low.
“Are you sorry that you got me pregnant on purpose?”
“No,” he said immediately. “I don’t regret it. What about you?”
“Do I regret you getting me pregnant? No, not even a little bit.”
“Good, but that’s not what I was referring to.”
“Oh, you want to know if I have remorse over not telling you about the tumor.” I swallowed. “Yes. Yes, I regret my actions. But apologizing…it feels like going to confession. Like, you can do all these wrongs, but the moment you sayI’m sorry,everything is suddenly forgiven. But the damage has been done.”
He squeezed my fingers. “It was your brain they cut into.”
“So, you’re giving me a bit of grace?”
“I don’t know, Barrett.” He let go of my hand and then got up and started pacing across the floor. “I just—fuck! I feel sick inside. Why didn’t you tell me you were having hallucinations?”
“Did Sasha tell you about those?”
He nodded.
“Did he tell you the details of my hallucinations?”
“No.”
“They were about him.”
“Him? You mean Sasha?”
“No. About Dolinsky.”
His eyes blazed. “Dolinsky.”
“Yes,” I croaked.
“Why, Barrett? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because everything between us always comes back to him…and inevitably Sasha. I couldn’t burden you with that. Not after all this time.”
Flynn’s brow furrowed. “Why him?”
“Hmm?”
“Why do you think your hallucinations were of Dolinsky?”
“Because I associate him with death.”
