Page 36 of Fall of a Kingdom
“I’ll never let it go,” he voiced. “I’ll carry the guilt with me until I die.”
“How Russian of you,” I said with a teasing laugh. “Sometimes I think I’ve got some of that in me.”
“The pain and misery that’s part of our blood?”
I snorted. “I think it’s why Russians can create such beautiful music and art. Nothing but deep sadness can fuel the creation of such beauty.”
“I don’t know how not to be tortured,” he said.
“Practice?”
“Da, maybe.” He paused. “He wasn’t Igor in the end. Not the man I remembered. Not the man I’d have taken a bullet for.”
“But it doesn’t ease your burden knowing that, does it?”
“No. No, it doesn’t.” He fell silent for so long I wondered if he was still on the phone, but I heard his breathing and knew he was still with me. “We’re bound, you and I. By him. By his ghost. Sometimes it’s like he’s walking next to me. I wish my daughter could’ve met him. Met the man he used to be.”
“If he was still alive, Flynn would be dead, you never would’ve met Quinn, your daughter wouldn’t exist, and you and I would be something else entirely.”
“Oh, yes. I’m convinced now more than ever that you’re actually Russian.”
I let out a soft chuckle. “Kiss Helena for me.”
“I will.” He sighed. “Your husband...”
“What about him?”
“Is he going to try to end my life the next time he sees me?”
“It’s a possibility.”
“Hmm. Well, if he does try to kill me, ask him to make it quick,da?”
“Da,” I repeated.
“Goodbye, Barrett. I’m glad you’re home safe.”
“Goodbye, Sasha. Thank you for keeping my confidence.”
We hung up, and I set my phone aside. I opened the bottle of wine and poured two glasses to let them breathe. I rummaged through the refrigerator and found a dish of venison and potatoes. I grabbed two plates and was just about to scoop out two hefty servings when Flynn walked into the kitchen. His white shirt sleeves were rolled up to the elbows and he looked casual and relaxed.
“The boys are in bed, just waiting on their Mam to wish them good night.”
I held out the serving spoon to him. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
He took the utensil from me, but just as I was about to move past him, his hand went to my hip to halt my movement. “I never stop wanting you, Barrett.”
I smiled and kissed his strong jaw. “You know what we haven’t done in a long time?”
“What?”
I gestured with my chin to the large window. During the day, I had an unencumbered view of Dornoch Firth. “You haven’t fucked me against that glass in far too long.”
“When you have three bairns, nannies, friends, and staff that come in and out constantly, it makes it complicated.”
“No excuses, Flynn Campbell.”
He laughed and then got to doling out our food. I headed down the hallway and took the long flight of stairs slowly. My knee was giving me trouble and I knew I’d have to baby it later with ice and anti-inflammatory medications.
