Page 63 of Huckleberry Hill
“I just wish . . .” I stopped.
“Go on,” she pressed.
“I just wish I wasn’t so confused.”
“What are you confused about?”
“Everything. Nothing.” I sighed. “I like Declan. But I’m so angry at Gianni that I don’t trust that I’m seeing straight. I don’t want to make another foolish decision and then have to deal with the fallout. You know?”
“Yeah. I know.” She paused. “Does anyone else know? The real reason you and Gianni split up?”
“No. You’re the only one. I almost told Poet, but she was in the middle of a crisis when I called.”
“Her co-worker taking credit for her work. Yeah, she told me.”
“Coming home was the right choice,” I said. “But I miss you. And I miss Wyn and Poet.”
“But you don’t miss your life here.”
“No, I don’t think I do,” I admitted. “New York doesn’t fit me the way it fits you.”
“It’s okay, you know. If you decide to stay. I’ll be okay.”
“If I decide to stay,” I said quietly. “New York doesn’t fit me, but maybe the Ridge doesn’t fit me anymore either.”
She snorted.
“What?” I demanded.
“It’s not a failure on your part for loving home, for wanting to be home. For needing the big blue sky and the mountains.”
“But what’s here for me?” I asked.
“What’s in New York?”
“Touché.” I scratched my forehead.
“Have you mourned?”
“Mourned? Mourned Gianni and the loss of that relationship, you mean?”
“Kinda. I meant about . . .”
“My infertility,” I remarked bitterly. “No, I don’t think I have. I can barely stomach thinking about it. All I’ve ever wanted was to have a family. I’m not ready to let go of what I thought my life was going to look like. I’m not ready to say goodbye to that dream.”
I thought about Declan. Was he the type of man to leave, to walk away when things didn’t go according to plan? Gianni had done exactly that. Even worse, he’d promised me it didn’t change how he saw me and our life together, but it had been a lie. Because in the end, he’d left.
“I’m tired,” I said quietly.
“Okay.” Salem’s voice sounded so far away. Too far away. “Get some sleep. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I agreed.
Neither of us hung up and because Salem was Salem, she knew I needed another moment.
“You might be okay without me in New York,” I said. “But I don’t know if I’ll be okay without you here.”
“I can’t go back there, Hadley.”
