Page 32 of Desolation
The last person who deserves this is Beth. Aftereverythingshe’s done for us, for others.
Fuck her Goddess. She clearly doesn’t give a shit if she can let someone like Beth die like this.
With the last of her energy, she wheezes out while staring into my eyes, “L-love you ... m-more ... always.”
Her hand slips in my grip as her eyes gloss over.
“Nooooo!” I howl, prostrating by her body, cradling her hand to my chest, sobbing into the floor. I can’t breathe through the crushing pain.
Someone’s hand falls on my shoulder, trying to comfort me, but I shoot up and shove it off. “Don’t fucking touch me! It’s my fault she’s gone.”
Zedd pulls away from me, hurt and shock obvious on his face.
“My Queen, this isn’t your fault. You know this.”
“Shut the fuck up with the nicknames, Luke!”
“Lana,” Ash says in an almost dead voice. “We love her too. We lost her as well.”
I turn my head, glaring at him, poison in my veins, dying to come to my tongue. “Did you? Did you even tell her that, Ash? Ever? Are you even capable?”
Ash’s head hangs down at my words and some distant part of me recognizes what I’m doing but fuck if I care.
Hale steps up behind Ash, his hand on Ash’s shoulder, as he looks at me, disappointed. “That’s not fair, Lana. We all show our love differently.”
“I know you’re hurting but you’re acting like a real bitch right now,” Leo spits at me.
“Oh, so now I’m a bitch?”
“Yeah, right now? You are. The world doesn’t revolve around you. We’re all hurting. You don’t want us to console you? Fine. But don’t you dare undermine our relationships with Beth.”
Fuming at the pain of my heart breaking, I tune them out.Fuck this. Fuck them.
When the warmth spreads through me again, I almost scream in frustration.Fuck you!I shout to Gaia in my head.
I cling to Beth’s hand, the tears tracking down my face, blurring my vision. The thought of the woman who raised me, drowning in her own blood, dead—
Just at the edge of my consciousness, I see Hale removing Beth’s upper body from his lap, setting her flat on the floor, at rest. Ash drapes a blanket over her lower half and Zedd reaches to close her eyes.
The guys take turns kissing her forehead, saying their goodbyes, but they might as well be on a different planet. Their words don’t penetrate my ears. I’m so deep in the pit of my shock and denial, I doubt I’ll ever be able to crawl out.
“I’m going to look through the house and pack any essential belongings. I’d suggest we all do the same.”
No one voices their acknowledgement of Hale’s words but they move away regardless, leaving me alone with Beth.
I can't stop staring at her face, lifeless in death, slowly draining of color. Where’s the smile she used to have as we baked chocolate cakes as a family when one of us had a sweet tooth craving? Where’s the wink when she snuck me the spoon to lick when the boys weren’t looking?
Memories begin playing through my mind as I continue to sit by her side.
When I got my first period and screamed bloody murder, convinced I was dying, she kicked the boys out of the house for the day and threw me a “period party.” We baked red velvet cake, dyed the lemonade red, and had a watermelon eating contest. She turned a scary moment into one of the best memories I have.
When I had flashbacks of Rafael and ran to her room, trembling and crying, struggling to breathe through the panic attack. She’d pull me onto the bed, run her fingers through my hair, sing to me softly and promise me she’d never let him hurt me again, as she rocked me to sleep.
“Thank you—” I choke on a sob, still clinging to her hand. Taking in a deep breath, I try again, rubbing my thumb over her skin, trying to imagine that blood still flows through her veins. “Thank you for saving me. Thank you for picking up the many broken pieces of my heart and stitching them back together. Thank you for showing me what real love feels like. What a family looks like.”
I sit with her for what feels like hours, caressing the back of her hand, ingraining our last moment together in my head. I pretend she can still hear me, she can still see me, that her heart still beats with love for me.
That her body hasn’t gone stiff and cold.
