Page 37 of Desolation
How the fuck am I supposed to put myself back together long enough to make sure we survive?
As the tears run dry and numbness settles in its place, I feel a distant sense of gratitude for the reprieve. Without waiting to see if the grief will come back for a more debilitating phase two, I step out and dry off quickly.
Wrapping the towel low on my waist, I walk back into our room and freeze in my tracks. Lana’s still lying in bed but a pale teal light surrounds her unconscious form like an orb.
What the fuck?
Another wave of dizziness strikes me, bringing me swiftly down to my knees before I can brace myself.
I groan at the nauseating sensation.Come on, Hale, pull it together. Lana needs you.
I crawl to the edge of the bed and pull myself up onto it, feeling in my bones that I need to check on her, that the light won’t harm her but she needs me close by.
Reaching out to attempt to grab her hand, I cry out as my hand hits the barrierof light and a wave of pain envelops every nerve ending, making my head pulse.
I grip my head and struggle to cling onto consciousness but quickly lose the battle, slipping into oblivion.
My last thought is,please let her be okay, Gaia.
But when did I start praying to Gaia?
Leo
“You know she didn’t mean to say those things, brother,” Luke supplies as he wipes off the dried blood on his face with a wet cloth.
“Yup,” I bite out.
I resist the urge to flip my brother off. He can very well see I don’t want to get into this.
“Leo,” he says firmly, his voice both a reprimand and a plea as he sits across from me on the other single bed. “Don’t let Beth’s loss harden you. We’ve known Lana our entire lives. You know she would never intentionally lash out. She’s going to beat herself up when she comes to.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that she did fucking lash out maliciously. Why are you defending her? She disrespected you for trying to comfort her.”
A cross between a snort and a laugh follows, causing me to screw my face up in confusion. I look at my twin like he’s lost a few brain cells.
“It’s simple. I’m not defending her—I’m forgiving her.”
How is he always the sensible one in private?
It’s so annoying when I want to rage about a situation and he just comes over with his heart of gold that he hides from everyone else and makes me feel like the devil. Although, I suppose, as twins, it’s fitting that we would be the opposing angel-devil pair on someone’s shoulder.
We both have the same aversion to serious situations, preferring to stay on the light-hearted side of every moment but we vary drastically when it comes to how we deal with our anger. He’s the cool, calming water to my raging fire. Somehow, insults and rude remarks just roll off him as if he has some type of anger repellent covering his body.
Me, however—I prefer to embrace that fire inside of me, relishing in the feeling of it in private. My twin is the only person that sees that side of me because I tend to restrain it until we’re behind closed doors.
I will never give the satisfaction to anyone of letting them know they got past my mental walls. It will give them leverage in the future to use against me.
I never thought I would consider Lana being one of the people I had to hide myself from. I failed at hiding my anger in front of her earlier and I hate that she pushed me over the edge like that.
“You love her, don’t you?” His question pulls me from the pit of rage I’ve been stewing in.
I take a deep breath and consider if I want to say the words. But this is Luke.
“Yes. She drives me up a fucking wall sometimes, but I do love her.”
I can’t lie to myself any longer and continue to pretend like she doesn’t hold every single piece of my damaged heart in her hands. I’ve hidden it for far too long already.
“Then you will find it in your heart to forgive her.”
