Page 16 of Desolation
Waking up to Ash was like reality kicking me in the face. Broaching the subject with the rest of my guys isn’t a fun prospect.
Wait, my guys? Fuck, I’m already a goner.
I’d stayed tucked up next to him, trying to cling to the dream world where I was their Queen, where I didn’t have to havethe talk.
He’s big and warm, like my very own teddy bear protector. When he snuggled into me, my heart melted. It was so adorable, so comfortable—
Until the dude sneezed on my face.
Talk about a mood killer.
Watching the boys squirm was punishment enough for putting me through all that insecurity shit last night. They should know better than to play with me like that! I also don’t quite feel ready to talk about it, so I’m gonna pass.
Feigning ignorance is what I do and, in this instance, I’m dying to see how long I can prolong the inevitable.
The truth is,this is a huge mental leap for me to make. For so long, I’ve talked myself out of my feelings for them. Now I have to suddenly accept that they like me and want to pursue me? Growing up, I’d dealt with the guilt of having feelings for my ‘foster brothers.’ Never in a million years did I think this day would come.
A girl needs a moment to process. I can’t just throw myself at them, as nice as that would be.
I’m not blind. I’ve caught Zedd glancing at me a few times. I’ve wondered if it’s affection in his eyes but I’d convinced myself it was just platonic.
The rest of the guys—I’ve watched them date and flirt from the sidelines. Eventually, I clued into the fact that I needed to put myself out there with other guys.
That didn’t last long though. Epic fail.
After a few dates and even less awkward make-out sessions, I called the whole thing off. I realized I was trying to force a spark with someone, anyone, in the hope of feeling the same way I did for my guys and that just wasn’t fair to myself or the men Iattemptedto date.
So, I committed myself to biding my time, hoping my feelings would dissipate the longer I waited, the more I saw them with other women. I noticed that they stopped dating around the same time I did but, back then, I didn’t think too much of it. I’d just assumed they’d run out of their ‘type’ in this small town.
Now though, with what Ash had told me, it makes sense that they had likely stopped dating because of me.
About time they pulled their heads out of the sand and realized what a snack I am. Actually, more like a thanksgiving feast.
Wait a minute…
I stopped dating last year!
They kept their feelings from me for a year? Fucking assholes.
Pissed off at the secret keeping while I was out here swearing off men and considering taking a nun’s vows, I decide they’ve earned somemorepayback and I know just how to dole it out.
Bikinis.
I want to make them notice me without coming off as trying too hard. Toying that line will be difficult but I have a motto to live by:classy, not trashy, but just a little bit nasty.
After trying on a few sets, I settle on a light blue piece that accentuates my curves just enough to make them look twice.Or maybe a lot of times—that’d be cool too. They deserve to be tortured for the blue lady balls they’ve given me.
I check out my ass in the mirror from multiple different angles, twisting to dothestance to check my butt out. And promptly causing a sharp pain in my lower back at the position.
I groan as I bend over and touch my toes to stretch out the kink in my back, as a loud bang on my door almost topples me over.
“Lana, are you ready?” Hale yells through the door.
Though he can’t see me, I place my palm over my chest to calm my heart and huff, “Were you trying to knock or were you trying to detach my door from the wall? A few raps with your knuckles will do the trick next time.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’ll be fine. We’re all ready. Just come on down when you’re set to go.”
Mocking his “yeah, yeah, you’ll be fine” to myself calms me down.I never claimed to be mature.“Okay, just give me a few minutes. Oh! Make sure you guys pack the salt and vinegar chips! I have dibs.”
