Page 39 of Desolation
Without a word or glance in my direction, he stalks into the bathroom and slams the door shut with a resounding thud.
O-kay.Guess that answers whether he wants to talk to me or not.
My thoughts drift toward Beth and my heart instantly plummets into my stomach.
My whole life, since my family left me behind without a word, I’ve struggled with feeling like I’m not good enough for anyone’s love or attention. I had been playing in our backyard one day and wandered inside to ask for a snack, only for a silent house to greet me. I called out for my mom, dad and sister but no one answered. As I wandered from room to room, my eyes grew wetter, sniffles turned to sobs and I wept openly. All of their belongings remained but they had taken my sister and left while I had been distracted with my toys outside.
Struggling with abandonment issues the entirety of my life has gotten in the way of me truly breaking out of my shell. I’m constantly worried that I’ll do or say the wrong thing and Beth, Lana or the guys will shun or leave me. I thought I was subtle with it but Beth saw it in me, in my helpful nature and my determination to avoid conflict, even if it meant sacrificing something I believed in.
She got me involved in shared activities like cooking or doing chores together and it helped me bond with her in a way I didn’t know I was capable of. As I grew up, I continued to help her as I had, not because I needed to prove I was worth keeping it around, but because it had become our time together. She’d convinced me to stand up for myself and shown me my worth was in just existing, just breathing.
Sometimes, even if we completed the task in blissful silence, her presence itself had a calming effect on me.
Coming out of my thoughts, I absentmindedly brush my cheeks, my fingers coming away wet with tears that had fallen without my permission. I need to remain strong and hold those precious moments near and dear to my heart. She would hate to see us falling apart and nipping at each other due to her death. I may not be the best at consoling others but I know Beth would want me to try with Ash so that he doesn’t feel so alone in his emotions.
Lana or Beth usually fill that void for him so I can’t imagine how broken he feels when one is gone and the other is acting like she doesn’t care.
It’s hitting me now that the women in our family are the glue. What happens if Lana doesn’t recover from this?
Time for me to take that place, even if it’s temporary.
Nodding my head at my decision, I get up and cross to the bathroom just as the shower turns off. Knocking lightly, I call out through the door. “Ash, are you okay? I’m here if you need to talk.”
The door swings open quickly and suddenly, Ash is there, filling the doorway, glaring daggers at me. I back up a few steps at the malice rolling off of him in ways, making it seem like he’s grown to twice his size.
I hold my hands up in a placating manner. “Woah, dude, I’m just trying to help. I know we’ve been through a lot today. Beth would want us to support each other through this.”
He takes one threatening step forward as his eyes shift to a pure black obsidian, consuming all hints of green.Pupils don’t dilate that much, do they?
“If I wanted to talk about it, don’t you think I would have fucking done so by now? I don’t need to hold anyone’s hand and sing kumbaya to get through this shit.”
What the hell happened to his eyes?
I keep backing up until my back hits the dresser. There’s nowhere further to go and he’s not just standing anymore. He’s advancing towards me, rage filling the space around him, sucking the air from the room.
I have never felt threatened by anyone in my family like this. He’s reminding me of the bullies that would grab my books and shove me into lockers in elementary school. As I grew older, it had escalated to more physical aggression and degradation until Ash caught wind of it in high school. Rumor had it, he gave their ass whooping back to them tenfold and no one had ever messed with me since then. When I confronted him, he neither confirmed nor denied the allegations, leaving me to believe he didn’t want to embarrass me further.
We had never told anyone else in our group about the bullying or Ash’s actions. I didn’t want anyone’s pity.
Uncertain of whether Ash would cross that line or not and actually assault me in his current state, I keep my hands up and close my eyes, wanting to show submission and cover anything important. Fear trickles through me as bullying flashbacks assault my mind, causing me to tremble.
A wave of air flows over my body in a rush, causing me to shiver at the sensation and open my eyes. Ash’s body flies back into the bathroom, crashing against the furthest wall and creating a crack from the hard collision.
My jaw hits the floor as my mind tries to process what the hell had just happened.
Had that blast of air come from me?
I stare at Ash with wide eyes as he groans and rubs the back of his head, rolling his neck side to side.
I refuse the urge to go to him. What if he’s still pissed?Or am I the bully now?What the hell is happening?
“Ash, I amsosorry. I don’t even know what happened. That couldn’t have been me.”
At the sound of my voice, he opens his eyes, which have returned to their normal jade color, causing me to think I had hallucinated earlier.
“Zedd, what happened?” He manages to ask, his words a slur, his eyes groggy, before his head lolls to the side and he goes unconscious.
Fuck, does he have a concussion?
