Page 58 of Desolation
Just as I go to open the door, it swings open to a half-naked Ash, with a towel wrapped around his waist. Droplets of water run down his large frame, the wetness accentuating his defined muscles, and I trail a particular one that starts from the hollow of his neck, over his chest, kissing his abs, down to that tantalizing V-line before it disappears into the towel wrapped around his waist.
I want to lick those drops off of him. Fuck, I want to be as close to him as the water—
“Don’t look at me like that, Lana,” he says, a warning in his voice. “I don’t have the same control as the others and I will very eagerly mark your ass as mine the second you consent.”
His words do nothing but spur on the heat spreading inside me.Mark me?It makes me want to orgasm on the spot. Looking him up and down with a coy smile, I bite my bottom lip.
He shakes his head. “You’re not ready for me, Lana.”
It’s like he dumped ice over the fire that was building.Did he really just insinuate that I can’t take him? Like I’m beneath him?I glare at him and flick my hair over my shoulder, pushing past him and into the bathroom. Firmly shutting the door behind me, I lock it.
Fuck him.
I strip off my clothes and climb into the walk-in shower. Multiple showerheads hang from the ceiling and on the side of the wall. I turn the handle, surprised that the water is already preset to the temperature I like. Just hot enough to scald for a second before it starts loosening my muscles.I guess there are some pluses to the witch realm.
As the heat of the water cools my anger, I think about Ash.Is he right? Am I just upset because of what IthinkI heard?I allow myself to truly think about what I’m ready for.
Deep down, I’m nervous to come across as the inexperienced lover I am to the three men who know what they’re doing. I’m struggling with the idea that they have previous experiences that they can compare me to. What if, when they weigh me against their pasts, I come off as subpar?
And though I love Ash and Hale’s dominant natures outside of the bedroom, I can’t deny that I need to be in charge of the situation to feel comfortable enough in our advancing sexual relationships. I don’t want to let my past haunt me. What if something triggers me and it ruins these incredible memories we’re making?
I know I need to work past the fear of being inadequate and make sure that we move forward on everyone's terms. There’s no doubt in my mind that I want to experienceeverythingwithallof them—but I need to be honest with them, and myself, so that we can be prepared for my triggers if we find any.
Finishing up my shower, I grab the plush, lavender towel from the towel rack and dry myself as best I can without a hairdryer. I grab another, smaller towel and create a towel turban for my hair, while wrapping the bigger towel around myself.
I walk into the bedroom to find all the guys sprawled out, talking, and I try to figure out how to tell them what I admitted to myself in the shower. Though I’m still not happy with Hale dictating how he thinks we should proceed, he wasn’t entirely wrong in his suggestions. And hedidmean the best. I was just too quick to wave him away because he stepped on my ego.
He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
Without waiting to see if I have their attention, I word vomit from the doorway. “While showering, I was thinking about the topic of sex. Hale was right when he said I need to not be pushed but I also know that I don’t want to be treated like glass. I’m sorry for jumping down your throat, Hale. You werepartlyright.”
They sit up from their slouching position, wide-eyed, likely because I actually apologized. But I did emphasize that he waspartlyright. Baby steps.
“For now, what I propose is that you allow me to be the one to initiate anything new in our individual relationships until I’m comfortable. You all vaguely know that something wasn’t right before I met Beth and you guys. Though I’m not ready to go into details, and likely will never be, I’d like to replace those memories with new memories with you all.”
Hale stands up and comes over to me, dropping a light kiss on my lips. “I wish I could take those memories from you but I’m grateful you trust us to make new ones with you.”
The rest of them follow. Ash hugs me to him and whispers in my ear, “One day, I’ll mark you as mine but only when you’re ready. For now, know that you have my heart.”
My breath catches at Ash’s emotional sentiment. I’m so caught off-guard by it that I barely register when he leans down to peck me on the lips.
He moves to sit down and the twins come up to me together, holding my hands. “At your speed, always,” Luke says softly while Leo looks at me with a gentleness I’ve never seen in his eyes.
I extract my hands from them and land a soft kiss to each of their lips, not wanting them to feel excluded.
They sprawl out onto the bed as Zedd walks up to me, staring deep into my eyes. “We have all of our lives to explore the physical aspects of our relationship. I’m just thankful to be able to call you mine now after waiting for so many years.” He leans down to meet me as I tilt my head up, needing the kiss from the last piece of my soul.
When we part, I blow out a breath and smile at them, feeling like I made the right decision to tell them. It feels good to know that I’ve found men who will help me heal, on my terms.
Luke lies on the bed with his hands behind his head, observing me with a smile. “You look so damn cute with your little towel head.”
I roll my eyes but appreciate that he’s always trying to lighten a situation. Walking over to the drawers, I open a random one and am shocked to see all the articles of clothing that I could ever need inside.Score for coincidence!My eye catches on the few black leather outfits and I smirk.
Hell yes. I’ll finally look as badass as Witch Bitch.
Pulling a black satin pajama set out, I quickly return to the bathroom to change into the shorts and tank before coming back to our bedroom.
Where am I supposed to sleep? In the middle?
