Page 88 of Desolation
Her body moves with a deep breath against me. "Are you done being a grade A douchebag then?"
She's awake?
She doesn't raise her head to look at me. Not having to look into her eyes allows me to build the courage to admit the truth to her, my voice cracking with the words. "There's something wrong with me, Lana."
I'm supposed to be the strong one, the one that doesn't take shit from anyone and protects them from the cruel world. Yet here I am, the epicenter for this clusterfuck of a situation.Zedd. I hurt Zedd.
I wait for her to say something,anything.
She pushes up and lifts her head to lock eyes with me. "You need to explain it to me, Ash, because the man I saw today, that was not you."
The thought of losing her and my brothers sends a bolt of anguish through me and tears well up.They're my family and I hurt them.
I grip her tighter to me and try to stem the tears that begin tracking down my face. "I'm so sorry, Lana."
"Oh, Ash…" She reaches up and cups my stubbled cheek in her small hand. "Tell me what's going on. We can figure this out but we have to do ittogether."
I bite my lip and shake my head. How am I supposed to answer that? I try to put it into the words. "There's something dark in me that awakened once my powers came to me at the inn. That night, I tried to hurt Zedd and I don't even remember it. At first, it felt like I was missing moments of time when the rage would overtake me but now…" I take a breath in before continuing. "Now it's as if I'm living my life through someone else's eyes. Today I was present mentally but not in control of my emotions or actions."
I wait for her to tell me I'm a fucking idiot, that something like this isn't possible. It all sounds ridiculous.
She grips my chin between her fingers and stares deep into my soul as she speaks. "We can beat this. We will find someone who can help you understand what's going on. I will never give up on you.”
She's being way too fucking nice. I don't deserve this kindness.
I try to dislodge my chin from her grip but she doesn't let me go. "You own a piece of my fucking soul, Ash. You don't get to hide from me."
Clenching my teeth, I feel the rage coming up. "You shouldn’t have me as your mate. I’m a liability. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt my brothers."
She arches a brow at me. "Well it's a good thing I can whoop your ass then, isn't it?"
Fuck. Her dominance has always been such a turn on to me and apparently, the darkness in me likes it too. It wants me to push her more.
My cock hardens at her words, wanting to test who the alpha between us really is. I know the others complete a part of her that I can't even dream of fitting but damn, I know they can't push her like I can. No one makes her dominant side appear like I do.
I cock a brow right back at her, latching onto the arousal building inside me and using it to push aside the despair. "Maybe I let you win today."
Her hand slides from my chin down to my neck, her fingers wrapping around my throat. She applies enough pressure to the points that could cut off my circulation to make my heart race. Her body rises up to bring her face to my level. I groan at the display of dominance and grab her hips, pulling her on top of me.
Her fingers continue to tighten as she leans to whisper into my ear. "You will never win this battle. I'm in charge. I proved today that I can handle you."
I grind my hips up to rub my painfully-hard cock against her, feeling my control slip as my hands yearn to touch her. I can't hold myself back. We agreed to let her escalate all encounters but fuck, she'shere, she’s not pushing me away despite my issues andshe’s allmine.
No,I remind myself.Damnit.Not all mine. Ours.
I grind against her again, not able to stop myself, a soft moan sounding from her throat as she throws her head back, swiveling her hips to apply pressure to her clit.
My hands squeeze her wide hips as she struggles to find friction against me, trying to take what she wants. "Lana," I breathe out between clenched teeth. Her wide eyes meet mine, lips parted, cheeks flushed. "I have very little control right now. If you want to stop, we need to stop now."
She doesn't even hesitate. "I love you, Ash. I won’t run from you or whatever is going on with you. I need every single one of you."
She's so fucking beautiful.
Something in my soul settles at her declaration of love, just as another part of me revolts at the mention of the others. I push away the darkness and meld my lips to hers, whispering into the kiss, “I love you too.”
Her hands fist the roots of my hair as she yanks and tilts my head back, suckling on my neck. Running my hands from her hips down to cup her ass, I squeeze, enjoying the way she grinds back into my touch.
Mine.
