Page 95 of Desolation
I cry for Ash.
I cry for the death of the lives we knew and for what awaits us.
I'm carried to the bedroom, stripped of my wet clothes and dressed in something that feels dry and like silk to my skin. They pull the comforter over me, leaving me to my thoughts. I can't sleep. My mind wars with my heart on what to do next and keeps landing on the same absurd idea.
It's the only one that works.
The guys filter into the room, taking their places in the bed next to me. I ask to not be held, knowing what needs to be done, knowing I need to be alone. I can't see, only hear. When the sound of their regulated breathing registers in me, I rise silently and stumble down into the kitchen.
I make my way to our couch and sit down, making peace with what's to come. The light from the moon illuminates the room as I grab someone's discarded glass of wine and sip, waiting. A tug on my soul has me wondering—is it time?
A sense of belonging and warmth spreads in my chest, much like that first dreamworld meeting with Gaia.
My realm.
I'm not fully trained. I don't know how to navigate a new realm alone. I have no idea how to get that dark fucking Fae out of my mate's body.
But I made a promise to him that he wouldn't go through this alone and I fucking meant it.
There are some things that need to be done before I can go after Ash. After taking a few large gulps of the wine, I set it down on the coffee table, leaning back and closing my eyes. Filling my thoughts with Gaia to call her, I relax enough to fall into sleep.
There's a shift in the energy around me. I stay there, my head resting on the back of the couch, my eyes closed for a moment before I open them to the living area of my home. I turn my head to the side where Gaia sits on the couch next to me. This time, she has porcelain skin and hair made of ivy vines, though her eyes always stay the same.
She smiles tightly at me, looking at my hand cradling a glass of wine. Her airy voice floats over. I hate how it calls me, even when I want to be repulsed to it. “Not sure if that helps.”
I scoff and roll my eyes. “Not sure that it doesn’t.” The lines around her eyes soften—were those wrinkles, indicators of age, always there and I'm only just noticing?She looks at me with sorrow on her face, making my insides twist with anger. “Don’t look at me like you give a fuck now. You knew exactly who the dark Fae was and you let me…” My voice cracks, tears gathering in my eyes and clouding my vision. “You let me give my body to him.”
She opens her mouth to speak but I shake my head.I'm not done.“You let me give my body to him, knowingexactlythe trauma that I hold inside me. Don’t you dare call me your child ever again,” I spit out. Looking down at my glass of wine, I let Beth’s face and love fill my mind's eye. “A mother would never let her child endure as much anguish as you have already let me go through.”
Her face softens with remorse but I can't find it in me to care.
She dug her own grave—she can fucking lie in it.
I had allowed her into my heart, thinking that I had a maternal presence in my life to guide and support me. I remember the love that flowed through me when she showed me how deep her affections for me run. How do I make sense of this? How can you love someone and still allow them to walk straight into the bed of the enemy?
In our first conversation, she warned me that revealing the identity of the dark Fae could alter the future outcome and she was right.It would have prevented me from being violated by the very man who's plotting to kill every single person I love—once again.
"My child, tha—"
I jump to my feet and fist my hands in my hair yanking at the roots. "Don't call me that!"
She hangs her head. "I am truly sorry this is the path that you had to take, Lana. You are strong and resilient and you will get through this. Of that I have no doubt. I chose you for a reason.”
Sorry doesn’t even begin to make up for your deceit.
Her words draw a humorless laugh out of me. "You're damn right I'll get through this. It won't be for you, though—it will be for my realm and everyone I love. I won't allow anyone else to lose their mates or family for a battle that is mine to finish from my previous life."
Never again. I will not allow there to be another Reese.
She stands and glides over to me, as if floating in the air. I cock my head at her, daring her to come closer. Though she hesitates, she still places her hand on my cheek and gazes at me with a tender love. I want to close my eyes against the betrayalI feel. "You have so much greatness in you, Lana. You have it in you to end this. There's a fire to your spirit that was missing in your previous life."
I turn my head away to remove her hand and refuse to meet her eyes. "After everything that has happened, you owe me it to me to make this journey easier for me. Tell Serenity I need her to train my mates until they reach their full powers. I will not allow them to follow me now just to die trying to protect me."
She inclines her head. "I can do that for you, Lana. I sense her mind in the dreamscape now."
"Thank you," I clip out, the words tasting like horseshit on my tongue. "Goodbye, Gaia."
I turn away from her, wishing it wouldn’t have come to this between us. The wine glass sits heavy in my hand and I drop it to the ground. It shatters and jolts me awake in the real world.
