Page 17 of Detonation
Not as things are now, the cruel and twisted ways of the worlds that rip your spirit from your soul, leaving you with doubt etched into your being. My heart pangs with a memory from foster care.
I might not be able to reverse time and save myself or the other foster kids from that pain on Earth but I won’t stand by and let darkness prevail here.
In my short time in this realm, all I have thought about is finding someone to help me get Ash back for good. I haven’t truly thought about what my people have gone through and what they deserve from me. My mate is my priority but my people must be too.
A hand drops on my shoulder in a silent display of support from Grammie. Did she notice the change? Because I felt it.
I rise from the ground, my shoulders back, my head held high. I accept my role in this realm. I’m here to do more than just save Ash.
I’m here to save my people.
The weight of that responsibility hits me and, for a moment, I reel from my earlier selfishness. These people have all lost so much. More than I have in ways. Their parents, their partners, their children, their homes—all because of me.
I won’t make that same mistake again. The world doesn’t revolve around me. I have a job to do and there is no room for self-absorption. There is no room for arrogance.
I forced my mates to stay and train with Serenity as I went off alone, like I was ready to take on Anshar on my own. Overestimating my abilities, just like I did in my past life. Have I forgotten the consequences of that? I grimace at the pattern and fist my hands in anger.
How many times do I have to remind myself of my duty to this realm before it actually sinks in? When do I start acting like the queen I was born to be?
How many more people have to suffer before I learn my lesson? I shake my head in exasperation at myself.
I lay my hand on top of Grammie’s on my shoulder, closing my eyes for a moment.
Everyone here has faced some kind of trauma or loss. So many have died and not one of them has been reincarnated. I don’t deserve a second chance as much as they do, the brave, loyal soldiers who gave their lives under a misguided queen.
Stop letting your past drown you.How do I discover those moments of light and strength? How do I find a way to stay afloat in the midst of the chaos? I don’t know but I have to find out. I owe it to my people.
“You ready to grab some dinner, Lannie?”
Her voice pulls me from my thoughts.
Forcing a smile to my face, I nod, following her towards the dining hall. As we enter the large space, hundreds of heads swivel towards us. My steps falter under the weight of their heavy glares, their skeptical looks.
Keep your head up.
A whisper comes from my side. “It won’t be easy to win them over, Lannie. They don’t have the same love or forgiveness for you that I do.”
Taking a deep breath, I blow it from between my lips, not letting them see my uncertainty as I kiss her on the cheek before walking away from her. I need to bear the full weight of their judgement—alone.
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing but I let my gut guide me as I turn to face them. The words come naturally, unbidden, as my voice rings out, loud enough for all to hear.
“By your looks, I’m assuming word has traveled of who I am—or, if you’re disbelieving, who I may be. You may be skeptical of the rumors but I can assure you, Gaia has gone to great lengths to bring me to this realm for a second chance. To try to right the wrongs of my past and restore our once beautiful lands and kingdom.”
Indifferent silence greets me.
I hesitate briefly before deciding that this needs to be done. My vulnerability may bringmeto my knees but it will pull my people up higher.
“I accept your anger. I accept the responsibility of the pain and suffering you have endured. I deserve your scorn for my arrogance, for my confidence in my invincibility, for leading you into a battle that none of us was prepared for—none less prepared than I. You deserved more,farmore, from your queen and protector.”
A few heads nod to my words and I take that as a good sign.
“All I ask is that you allow me the chance to train with you and regain the knowledge of my powers. To fight alongside you and help restore our realm.”
A tall woman with a heavily toned body and one side of her head shaved, while the other is a long, light blue mass of curls, pushes up from her table, the feet of her stool screeching against the ground. She’s at the head table. Is she one of the respected leaders that led in my absence?
I swallow the lump in my throat, anxious as she ambles up to me, her weapons, strapped to her armor, clanging with every step. She stands chest to chest, foot to foot, with me, as her hot breath runs over my face.
Looking down her nose at me, she growls, “You have a lot to prove before we’d ever allow you to fight alongside us,Oslana.”
