Page 45 of Outcast
"You know why I'm giving him a chance? Because maybe he’s trying to figure out who he is and what he wants now that things have changed, just like I am. I’m learning who I was always meant to be after spending my whole life thinking there was nothing special about me." Her eyes flashed with determination, and I knew she wouldn't back down on this point.
Seth pulled her hand into his own as she continued, “I won’t ever forget the way he has treated me, but what I can do is forgive him and move forward.”
Scowling, I shot back, “I understand forgiving people for the sake of moving on, but it seems like you want to move onwithhim," emphasizing the issue.
Her fire dimmed as she looked down at the table. “Maybe I do. You didn’t see inside his soul like I did this morning. You didn’t see his constant internal struggle." Glancing up at me, a single tear rolled down her cheek, "Part of him wants to feel the happiness he knows he could find with me, but the other half of him hates that he could ever think of being with me."
Seth chimed in, "Listen, I have been Jameson's best friend for as long as I can remember. He doesn't want to allow himself happiness because he doesn't think he deserves it." A humorless laugh came from him before he continued, "I practically had to force my friendship on him, and even that came with strict emotional boundaries."
I rubbed my eyes and sighed deeply, "I'm not saying the dude hasn't been through some shit, but shouldn't he atone for his past transgressions before we're having dinner together? It's just a big leap, and I don't want to see you get hurt, Kira."
Shaking her head in response to my explanation, she retorted, "That sounds like my problem to navigate, Milo."
Fuck it, I was done trying to protect her from his arrogant and vile ways. If she felt she needed to put herself through that, then so be it.
"Okay."
She looked at me like I had sprouted another head, and I explained my response, not wanting her to interpret it the wrong way. "I'm not going to stop you if that's what you need, but I'll be there to pick up the pieces when he eventually breaks your heart. Because he will, Kira."
Standing from the table, she grabbed her plate and swung her leg over the bench, not bothering to look back at us as she called out, "In case you’ve forgotten already, I won’t have mates left to fight for if I can’t conquer my powers and rally the wolves to my side. I need some time alone tonight to work through everything."
My wolf went on high alert at her tone and need for space, his agitation and annoyance with me ringing loud and clear through our bond.
As she left, all heads swiveled towards her, and Seth's voice boomed when he saw their stares, "What did we fucking tell you?"
Dropping my head into my hands with my elbows on the table, I groaned in frustration.
"It'll be okay, dude. We're all just trying to figure this shit out the best we can. It'll take time," Seth reasoned.
Picking my head back up, I sighed, "She's obviously mad at me, but she shouldn't run off alone right now without access to her powers and the Daimona sighting. Can you watch over her tonight?"
He answered with a swift nod and rose to follow her, leaving me with just my tumultuous thoughts and an angry wolf for company.
Chapter Twenty
Kira
Calm down,Kira. He's just being protective of you because he cares.
No matter how many times I repeated this to myself, it didn't help my simmering annoyance with Milo. I had too many things on my plate right now without also having to deal with his overbearing attitude about the situation, even if it came from a place of love.
Groaning at the thought of love coming into play, I kicked at the loose rocks lining the pathway back to my cottage. They scattered haphazardly, bouncing a few times before settling on the dirt. I had walked this path more times than I could count, but this time it felt different with everything that had changed in my life.
The last time I was there, I had pined for a greater purpose in life than being the shifters' maid. Boy had I gotten what I asked for—and then some.
Taking a deep breath and blowing it back out, I focused my thoughts on the most important task at hand: connecting with my wolf again. If I let everything else pile on me at once, I knew I'd never surface from the anxiety and pressure that weighed down on me like a boulder.
Seneca had told me to try meditating, and without any other ideas, I figured I'd give that a shot. First, I wanted to change into warmer clothes that were preferably my own, with the temperatures dropping as the sun set.
I wasn't as cold as I normally would have been during this time of year, and I figured I could attribute it to the changes my body had undergone with the shift.
My cottage came into sight, and I froze, gasping in horror, just as I heard Seth's deep voice call out, "Kira, wait up!"
My feet were rooted in place and tears pooled in my eyes as I took in the destruction of the one place I had felt safe. It looked like someone had taken a sledgehammer to the walls. I could see my bed through one of the larger holes, and it looked like the interior of my home hadn't been spared either.
The words painted onto the remaining walls didn't even phase me anymore. They’d called me a worthless human countless times. It was the decimation of the place I had been able to feel comfortable—to let out my tears and anguish throughout my life—that brought me to my knees.
I hadn't had many things in life to call my own, and it looked like that wasn't going to change. These people continued to take everything from me, just for the entertainment of seeing me broken and beaten into submission.
