Page 23 of Devastation
I allow myself to think of nothing and simply breathe in the air around me, letting my anxiety ease with each passing breath. Finding what appears to be a beautiful hand-carved, wooden bench, I sit on and tilt my head back, closing my eyes. The air feels crisp with a slight chill, but the sunlight streaming through the treetops provides a perfect layer of warmth.
The chatter of birds is soothing, and I focus on it, trying not to let my mind drift to the haunting memories that constantly plague me.
I want to be happy.
I want to think of the amazing moments we've managed to create in a life otherwise riddled with pain and suffering.
I want to feel worthy of being a part of this family again.
Within minutes, I lose the battle raging within and ask myself the questions that have reared their ugly heads, a hint of anger accompanying them.
How can they just accept me back into the fold like nothing happened?Like I didn't royally fuck up by not telling them I was struggling before it was too late.
How can Lana still love me after the torture she endured at my hands?Even if it wasn't really me in control, it was still this body that doled out the pain.
The questions circle in my head on repeat in an endless cycle as I struggle to work through them. The snap of a branch startles me out of my thoughts, and I'm shocked to see the last rays of the sun are beginning to fade.
How long have I been out here?
My head swivels to my left at the sound of another snap, and my heart pounds in my chest, my body immediately assuming I'm in danger. My fight or flight instincts ramp up, and I jump to my feet, feeling the mysterious powers within me fill me slowly.
I really need to figure out what the fuck I am and what I can do, or else I'm as good as useless.
A figure comes into view, and I relax when I see it's Hale. Sinking back onto the bench, I scoot to one side so he can sit on the other. Wordlessly, he does just that. Unsure of how to act or what to say, I wait in silence until he begins.
"There's a darkness in me," he says so quietly I almost think I misheard him.
Turning to face him, I inquire hesitantly, unsure that I truly want it to be confirmed, "What?"
Sighing deeply, he exhales, places his hands behind his head, and tilts his head back to look at the sky before responding. "I was tainted by Erebus' darkness in a battle in the witch realm. I'm fighting it every day now."
Shock blankets my features, and for a few moments my mind just blanks, my mouth flapping open and closed as I struggle to find words.
"Does Lana know?" I ask gruffly, knowing this is a situation that cannot be repeated. I don't think any of us will be able to survive losing Hale to the darkness. He's always been our pillar of strength and our voice of reason, much to my annoyance in earlier days.
I was once filled with so much pent up rage at my childhood that I struggled to articulate how much pain I was carrying around every day. It wrapped itself around my throat and suffocated me constantly, preventing me from speaking.
This led to my being abrasive and moody quite often and not wanting to listen to anyone in authority. Who was anyone to tell me what to do? They didn't know me.
I'd thought of myself as an alpha male and butted heads with Hale because of it. But really? I'd just been a broken little boy crying for help in the only way I knew how.
Anger.
Lana had been the only one who could pull it out of me, slowly healing me and teaching me how to cope with the mental scars that I'd carry forever.
"She does. I told her just a little bit ago." His answer snaps me out of my memories of our childhood, and I focus back on the situation at hand.
"Thank fuck for that," I huff out, relieved beyond belief that this isn't a secret I have to carry. I glance at Hale. "We'll work through this together, brother I know in the past I haven't been the most emotional or...open person, but I'm trying to be better."
A small laugh escapes him as he glances over to me, "Oh, you don't say?" My response is automatic, and I punch his arm softly, muttering, "Dick."
At my touch, he pauses for a second and the look of confusion on his face is gone so quickly, I almost wonder if I imagined it.
Hale leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and scrubbing his hands over his face a few times before sitting up straight once more and admitting, "I'm scared of what's to come, Ash. How are we supposed to protect her when she's more powerful than us and meant to lead the realms?"
Reaching out, I clap him on the back and sigh, "We have to believe in the woman she's grown into and trust that she'll tell us when she needs help, just like I'm trusting you to tell us when you're struggling with the darkness."
He sits in silence, and I take the moment to share with him my own fears and struggles.
