Page 20 of Devastation
Smilingly sheepishly at me from under his long lashes, he grabs a cookie and bites into it. He knew what he was doing coming in here alone with this plate.
He's so adorable. What did I do to deserve such a sweet mate?
I literally think that the world could take the biggest shit on Zedd and he'd still find a way to come out of it smiling. His brains are somehow even more attractive than his incredible looks, and I beam at him. "Thank you, Zedd baby."
Grabbing my own cookie, I groan the second the warm and melted chocolate caresses my taste buds. Chocolate was a close second to coffee. Wait, shit. Maybe below salt 'n vinegar chips.
Hmm. What a conundrum.
As he finishes his first cookie, he offers, "Do you want to talk about yourslightmental break?"
I mumble my response around the cookie in my mouth, gesturing with another one in my hand, and Zedd stares at me like I'm speaking gibberish. Holding a finger up, I swallow my food and try again.
"Gaia left behind this journal—like I told you guys earlier—and I was just reading through it. She brought up a lot of things that I don't know if I'm ready to face, but I also don't think we have much of a choice."
Without discounting my fears, he nods and is tactful in his response. "Well, I'm sure they're scary and overwhelming, and maybe you don't like the fact that you can't control what's going to happen as someone who loves to have a handle on every situation." Tilting my head at him I admit, "Very true."
"But, there is also beauty in being in situations where we can't control the outcome. There's always love and laughter just past the edge of our fear. From discomfort comes growth, and boy have we all done a lot of that," he chuckles a bit darkly at the end.
I guess we've all adopted the coping mechanism of having to make light of the trauma we've gone through to be able to wade through it.
His words are beautiful in their own twisted way, and I feel a bit of softly injected hope from them sinking into my heart.
"You're right. None of us are the same people we were just months ago, and wedefinitelyaren't the same people we were in our past lives," I muse, thinking back to how simple our lives used to be. "We've been through Hell and back, haven't we?"
A soft clang sounds as Zedd throws his cookie back onto the plate between us, and I give him a puzzled look. Shockingly, he lunges at me over the plate, grips my face tightly between his hands, and begins to devour my mouth.
He nips my bottom lip gently, which draws a gasp of breath from me. My move allows him to enter my mouth further, and it feels like we're breathing each other's air to survive.
Reaching out blindly for the plate, I push it to the side and slide my legs out, positioning myself under him. Lowering himself lightly onto me, he pulls back, breathing heavily, and it feels like he stares into my damn soul.
"It tore me apart to be away from you, not knowing if you were okay or what the hell was going on. So yes, we've been to Hell and back. Because that is my personal Hell—not knowing if you are dead or alive," he pants out, baring his own soul to me.
Without giving me a moment to respond, he swallows the words on the tip of my tongue, making me lose all train of thought. Our kisses taste like chocolate and love. The best combination a girl could dream of.
A soft whimper escapes me as he breaks away, trailing his lips along my neck and licking the sensitive spot near my ear. "Let me pleasure you, Lana. I want nothing in return."
My thoughts flash back to my moment with Hale just a little a bit ago, and I wonder if I'll have the same issue with Zedd. It strikes me though that Hale scares me a bit now that I know he has that darkness in him. Just as Anshar was in Ash, the darkness is in Hale—and I realize that connection makes me more than a little uncomfortable.
I don't know if I'm ready to trust that Hale can stay in control when Ash couldn't.
Maybe being with Zedd is a good way to slowly reclaim my sexuality as my own and remember that it's a beautiful thing to be shared with the ones I love.
Lost in my thoughts, it takes me a minute to realize Zedd is staring intently at me. His hazel eyes are filled with such compassion and love that I know this is the perfect way to begin my healing process.
I'm ready to heal.
Chapter Eight
Zedd
"Let me pleasure you, Lana. I want nothing in return," I whisper near her ear.
I'd never force her to rush into something she isn't ready for or comfortable with. All I want is to fill her with my love and affection, to try to heal the crack running through her soul.
It is visible to me in her every word and movement.
She isn't the same woman we grew up with, though not in a bad way. When she walks, she pulls her shoulders back subconsciously and keeps her head held high now. An air of confidence surrounds her at all times, and I'm completely enamored with the woman she's blossomed into.
