Page 41 of Devastation
Crossing my legs in front of me, I begin to speak about my own childhood, opening up to a complete stranger. “I was placed in a foster home when I was just a few years old. Still a baby, not understanding the world or how anything worked. So to say I didn’t understand how to properly have a conversation is an understatement.”
She looks at me, wariness mixed with confusion, but her body slowly relaxes and she plops down onto her ass.
Taking that as a good sign, I continue. “My foster parents never truly wanted a child. They just wanted the money they got to look after me. Out of sight, out of mind was their motto, which is why they whipped me every time I spoke out of turn. They wanted me to only speak when they asked me a question directly, during a conversation they started.”
Picking at the grass in front of me, I stop for a moment as I sort through the memories I’ve worked so hard to bury.
A rough but feminine voice asks, “Why are you telling me this?”
Her cracking voice sounds like she doesn’t use it often, and I wonder what information Cadmus has given Lana about her background.
I shrug and continue, “This happened for years until eventually I just stopped talking. Thankfully, I was placed with a new foster home and found my true family. They worked with me through my trauma and flashbacks and taught me what true love feels like. I can see a piece of that brokenness in you…” I trail off for a moment, trying to figure out why I’m doing this, “...I guess I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I saw someone hurting like I once did and didn’t try to help them out of that dark place or tell them not to give up hope for a better future.”
She shifts out of the shadows slightly, and I see tanned skin and silky ebony waves to her shoulders, with distrust still on her face. Her eyes are pulsating the bright orange color I saw earlier as orange scales appear on portions of her exposed arms and she admits, “My dragon likes you.”
That is not what I expected to hear, but thankfully I’m saved as Lana’s voice carries out easily through the air, “He’s a catch isn’t he? I’m thankful to have him as my mate.”
She drops down to her knees behind me and places her arms around my neck, plopping a kiss onto my cheek. Glancing back to the girl, I find her now staring at Lana with intrigue and dare I say...hope?
“My dragon likes you too. We’ve never...I’ve…” she struggles with confusion and Lana calms her. “It’s okay. I feel the connection to you as well. We have a lot to talk about after the vigil is over, but I promise you that you’ll never be alone again, Kinder.”
Kinder? I guess that must be her name.
Bewilderment crosses the young girl’s face at that, but she pulls herself together quickly to answer, “Okay. I will find you later.”
With that, she moves back into her corner, leaving Lana and I alone.
“Thank you for helping reach her in the darkness. She's my chosen for this world with Fiona gone, and we both feel the tether already. She’s going to be such a fierce queen in time," Lana admits, making a warmth flow through my chest that I was able to help foster this new relationship between them.
She continues, "Cadmus told me her parents were killed at a young age during a turf war and that Fiona was the only person she allowed close to her. She raised her single-handedly. Cadmus has sworn to me that he'll be her advisor and help her transition into this new role,” Lana says softly while she moves to sit down beside me and grabs my hand.
Every time I’m close to her, the fucked up memories flash through my mind, and I question if she’s forcing herself to try to love me still, because there is no way she’s forgotten what’s happened.
I've been trying to just accept this new life and my place in our family and by Lana's side since our conversation on the bench, but sometimes it's harder than others.
The words tumble out of me, "How do you manage to not see Anshar when you touch me? How do you...still love me?" I’m genuinely confused by how she reacts so easily with me after everything that's happened.
Gripping my hand tightly, she stares into the quickly darkening sky with stars starting to peek through and answers, “Everyone is looking for unconditional love while simultaneously carrying a bag full of conditions for that same love. I'm trying every day to provide that unconditional love that I get in return from you all."
Her words are profound and honestly take my breath away.
She continues, "I do struggle sometimes with flashbacks, but every single time you look at me with such intense love in your eyes and gentleness in your touch, it makes those flashbacks fewer and farther between..." she stops for a moment and glances over at me, "but you are making it hard for me to heal when you keep blaming yourself and dragging those memories back to the surface."
Brushing my thumb across her hand, I bring it up to my lips, pressing a kiss to her smooth skin and closing my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Lana. I never thought of it from that point of view."
Her gaze softens as she reaches out to touch my cheek and she whispers, "Stop apologizing. Let's move forward and make beautiful memories together without the past casting its ugly shadow on it."
As the last of her words leave her lips, the rest of the guys come over and sit around us. We all fall into a comfortable silence and face the sacred tree of the shifters, watching their love and support for one another as they grieve for the loss of their queen.
Leaning over to whisper into Lana's ear, I ask, "Was anyone else harmed? How did the battle come to an end?"
She speaks softly back to me, "Cadmus said that Erebus seemed to be testing them for something bigger. Erebus sent a huge blast of power towards them and Fiona took the hit directly, expanding her wings out to shield her people and their homes."
My brows pull together as I ask, "And they just left after that? They didn't attack further?"
She nods and shrugs, "That's what Cadmus told me. I know, it doesn't make much sense."
I mull over that information, trying to make sense of what Erebus' plans are until the sun is officially gone from the sky and the shifters stand to leave. They disperse, leaving the ring of white candles around the tree lit, illuminating it lightly.
