Page 14 of Inheritance
"Okay, so, there are three spheres. Within the first order of power, there are Seraphim, Cherubim and Thrones. Within the second sphere, there are Dominations, Virtues, and Powers." She had such childlike joy on her face as she listened intently, almost bringing a true smile to my face. It was fucking amazing to see her looking at me with an emotion other than disdain or indifference.
"In the third and final sphere, there are Principalities, Archangels, Angels, and then personal guardian angels at the bottom," I explained, crossing my fingers that she didn't ask what each being’s individual powers were, because we still had a lot of my personal history to cover.
Thankfully, she merely pulled her legs up into her chair, wrapping them within her blanket, and rested her chin on her knees as she let me continue without interruption.
It was time to talk about my own journey—to unlock the memories I had blissfully stored away for what felt like a millennia.
"Raphael, Jeremiel, Raguel, Zerachiel and Remiel were my brothers for a long time. We were all said to be born of the light of God, or creator, and through that, we were titled theburning ones. We shone so brightly that we appeared to have glowing white fire around us in the presence of lower beings."
Pulling that fire, which lay dormant in my soul, to the surface, I let her look over the iridescent glow my skin took on as I lit up the room. She gasped and put her feet on the floor, dropping her blanket to reach out towards me. Lifting my hand onto the table for her to inspect, I explained, "Although I've fallen from Heaven, at my core, I still hold a minute fraction of light within me. If I still had it all, your vision would have been stolen when the brightness burned your eyes."
Her small fingers skimmed lightly across my skin, and my breath nearly stuttered to a stop at her touch, so I went silent for a moment, allowing her to take her time. I felt a small surge of fear go through me as I realized that Ama’s touch could undo me and ruin me for life. Her fingers were barely grazing my skin, but it was completely wrecking me. If she ended up ever really touching me…I would be a goner.
I continued quietly, "For so long, I was a loyal and willing Seraphim. Until I felt like I was constantly being left out by God." My old wounds split open as I spoke. "He often left me in the dark, preferring to let my five brothers take on his tasks and uphold his word. He claimed it was because I had darkness brewing in my heart, but whenever I asked him how that was possible when I was born from his light, he always gave me the same vague answer: 'Where there is light, there is dark. Where there are rays, there are also shadows.' It took me a long time to process that."
I felt her fingers wrap around my arm and squeeze gently as I pulled the light back within myself. Allowing my eyes to meet hers, I saw her own walls falling right along with mine.
"I'm here, and I'm listening," she assured me with a gentle smile.
They were simple words, but they meant a lot to me. She was giving me the space and time to tell my story in my way, but also reassuring me as I told it that I wasn't alone.
Clearing my throat, I continued, "So, I finally accepted that I was the shadow amongst the rays in Heaven. There has to be a balance, after all, right?"
Her brows pinched together as she leaned back in her chair and grabbed her own goblet of wine. "But wouldn't Heaven always be pure? Why did they need a shadow?"
A dark chuckle came from me as I took a sip of my wine. "Because I wasn't created to be the shadow in Heaven. I was created to run the realm that was the shadow. I was created to run the counterpart of Heaven." Motioning with my free hand, I said, "Viola. That is how Hell came to be and how I found myself alone in a realm with no one but myself."
She scowled down at her goblet as she muttered, "That doesn't seem fair. To be born just to be told you weren't meant to be pure, but to be cast away from the only family you had. From the one who created you."
My heart hammered in my chest as her pink eyes lifted to meet mine, and the most beautiful words fell from her lips, "You didn't deserve that. No one does. And just because we are in Hell doesn't mean we can't create our own rays. No one is destined to be evil or to be a shadow, just because someone said so. As much as fate has a role in our lives, I refuse to believe that we aren't capable of forging our own destinies."
She was so fierce and breathtaking, with the way her chin lifted and her eyes burned deeply with passion. This was the version of my mate I wanted to know, and I didn't want to fuck up this tentative peace between us, but there was still more to tell her that she likely wouldn't be so accepting of.
"So, I set out creating this world and all of the creatures in it," I explained.
"Wait, you have the power to create creatures. Like God? Are you his equal in power?"
A hearty chuckle slipped out before I answered, "No. Not even close. But he did lend me the power to create six species before taking it back. He said the creatures of the shadows had to be born from my mind, not his."
I saw the wheels turning in her mind, but when she yawned, trying to cover it with her hand and offering me a small embarrassed smile, I knew I needed to get to the point. While I knew that part of my story had softened her to me, I still had to tell her how I had allowed the hybrids to be slaughtered to near extinction. I only hoped she could forgive me. I had to ignore the part of me that begged me to leave that aspect out. I had to be honest with her—I knew that.
"I allowed the six species to create their own lives and build their own empires as I watched from this castle. I didn't want to play God here, but I would admit that an odd sense of pride built within me as I watched the realm flourish," I exhaled, smiling at the memory.
"Suddenly, I felt a desire to be out there with them. To mingle and get to know this realm I was set to rule over for eternity. So, I began to befriend people and settled into their way of life. But after seeing thousands of people fall in love as time went on and knowing of the concept of fated mates from Heaven, I grew inspired by it. Hopeful that perhaps I would be blessed with such a gift. I had gone along with my fate as it had been intended for me, like the perfect little servant. So, I felt I was owed some small blessing," I rationalized, feeling the old feelings of bitterness crawling up my throat alongside my words.
I took one last look at her kind eyes and the support radiating from them, knowing it could very well be the last time I saw it.
Preparing myself, I finished my wine and placed the goblet back on the table before folding my hands in my lap. "Instead, after centuries of searching for my soulmate, I found that it wasn't in the cards for me to be blessed with love."
My lips thinned as I recounted the anger I had felt. "I had become a broken, bitter shell of the devil I used to be. Jaded and cynical to the concept of love because of my anger at always feeling like I wasn't good enough to receive any blessings in my life."
I met her eyes and took a deep breath as I laid my biggest regret out on the table. "When wars broke out between the pure-blood elites and the hybrids, after the eons of harmony I'd watched over, I sat back and allowed massacres to occur. I didn't lift a finger to stop it."
Her shoulders sagged, and she placed her wine on the table before wrapping herself in the blanket as she stared at me tepidly.
I pushed on, my voice becoming cold, "Because the bloodlust of the war was a symbol of the rage I had been harboring internally, I let it play out. If I couldn't spend eternity filled with love or joy, then why did my subjects deserve to spend their brief lives like that? I had decided I would do what I could to stoke the flames higher and incite as much bloodshed as possible to match how I felt inside."
Instantly, her face hardened, and I saw the moment her judgement was cast upon me and the walls went back up.
