Page 51 of Inheritance
“What I need,” I moved to the side, feeling far calmed, “is to know what the hell you are doing here.”
She nodded slowly and motioned towards her side of the cell, but I shook my head and leaned against the wall of bars, not willing to go closer. “They can hear whatever you say. In the short time I have known them, they have been far better role models than you have ever been.”
My mom winced as she ran a hand over her face and seemed to gather up some steel, her eyes flashing dark before she responded with a steady and clinical tone.
“I don’t expect you to understand why I left—“
“I don’t care. That isn’t what I just asked you. Or are you that selfish to still make everything about you and what you want?”
“Amare.” Her voice was demanding, and I was starting to see how people could see her as a queen—her entire aura spoke of power. It was too bad she never stuck around to actually be that.
“I was raised in Peccatum,” she began, her eyes going to the floor in thought. “My father and mother were part of the court there, and from a very young age, I was exposed to exactly how the House of Sin conducted everything...through the payment of flesh. By the time I was an adult, I was absolutely no stranger to the workings of the court. I was an adult far before that, and I had almost no contact with my parents, unless I was doing something they didn’t approve of...I hated it there.”
Devil, was she really trying to make me feel bad for her? Was this a fucking joke?
“When I was offered a job to go to Mortem as an ambassador, I didn’t think twice. Of course, it was laden with the understanding that I was supposed to use my...” She hesitated and shook her head, “use my talents in order to keep the king close.”
“You tricked dad?” I let out a low growl, feeling a ferocious rage come over me. He had loved her with every fiber of his being—and probably still did—and she had been a fucking fraud.
She chuckled softly, “Tricked him? No. I wish it had been that easy. No, unfortunately, I fell in love with your father in a matter of weeks. It was the first time anyone had seemed to authentically love me, and I had thought it would be enough...enough to do it all. A family, marriage, even rule next to him. And it was, for a bit...” Emotion clouded her voice.
“After you were born, everything was perfect, and I was the happiest I had ever been in my life...which was why I ran. It was too good, and everything I’d ever had in life that was good had turned to trash. So I left. I ran back to the House of Sin, and by the time I realized what a massive mistake I’d made, there was no taking it back.” She ran a hand through her hair and met my gaze. “I couldn’t face you or your father. I was weak and couldn’t own up to how much I had hurt you both with my abandonment.”
“He would have taken you back,” I growled, “I call absolute bullshit. I was so little! I probably wouldn’t have even remembered you had been absent for a time by the time I grew up if you had just fucking come back!“
“I didn’t realize my mistake until almost five years ago, Ama,” she bit out. “It took a while to realize what exactly I had thrown away. I wouldn’t have been a good mother Ama...I would have fucked it up. Your father was ten times better as a fatherandmother than I could have ever hoped to be. The man has more love and compassion for those around him than anyone I know—“ Her jaw tightened as regret washed over her features.
At least we could agree on the point regarding my father. He was the absolute best role model for everyone. What all kings should be like. What all fathers should be like.
“So,what,you went back to the House of Sin, lived it up, fucked around with devil knows how many people, and when you finally were ready to settle down, you realized you fucked up?” I felt tears well in my eyes. “I honestly think it was better when I didn’t know what a piece of shit you were. When I could still convince myself there was a good reason for you to have left us.”
My mother inhaled and closed her eyes. “I don’t expect you to understand, Amare. I know what I did was wrong. I know that there is a rift between us that will probably never be repaired—“
I couldn’t go down this path with her. She honestly didn’t deserve my time or energy. “So, now that you’re done saying what you felt was so important to tell me, it’s time to answer my question. Why are you here?”
My mother’s face filled with sadness. “I heard a rumor that your father was captured, so I used my influence to get into the capital, pretending I was on their side until I was close enough. I wanted to find a way to get him out, but the king and queen locked me up here.”
“Why?” I narrowed my eyes, still not fully understanding her angle. I didn’t trust her in the slightest.
“Because I will always love your dad, and if I was ever in trouble, he would do the same.”
Her answer was simple, and it made me so furious. If it had been that fucking easy to love someone, then why hadn’t she stayed and lovedme? Why had she not stayed and loved our family?
I turned sharply towards the outside bars and put my head against them, refusing to dip into that head space right now. I was already in a fairly volatile situation emotionally, and I knew I couldn’t afford to lose it.
We were in the middle of a war. A war that had so much on the line.
I imagined what Pandora would say to me, and I straightened up fully, turning towards my mother, who had edged closer.
Her next words made it incredibly difficult to keep that inner peace I had just found.
They tumbled out of her mouth in a rush, “I didn’t realize what had happened or that you had been portaled out of the kingdom. If I had known, I would have tried to find you.”
Seriously, did this woman hear herself? Literally my entire life, she hadn’t bothered to find me or give a shit about my wellbeing. But all of a sudden now she thought she would have done that? Bullshit.
“I managed completely fine without you. Honestly, I think I turned out far better without you in my life,” I bit out.
Her eyes softened and warmed, shocking me. “I know you did, Amare. You have grown into an amazing woman, and that is all because of your father. I would have messed that up.”
