Page 2 of Oracle
Why didn't we deserve the chance to live out our lives together?
I couldn't wrap my mind around how the Fates could be so vicious as to tease us with the idea of this future, just to steal it away in an instant. Not to mention that my mates would struggle to live a life without me once I was gone. Our wolves would always be connected. We mated for life, and they wouldn't find another. My absence would drive each of my mates to his own early death. A death of heartbreak. The cruelest death you could inflict on a wolf. It would be slow and agonizing torture as they likely roamed the earth, never feeling the peace of being whole again.
It was like being given the opportunity to taste a piece of the sun. The love of mates burned so brightly within you, that when it was ripped away, it was like being plunged into a world with no sun to rotate around. Dark and empty.
Agony poured through me with the realization of the depth of bitterness I was feeling. It was immense and turned me against everything I stood for. Thoughts of saying "fuck her" roared through me, but I knew I couldn’t let my resentment win. This wasn't who I was. I didn't like feeling this way, but at that moment, I couldn’t snap myself out of it.
Maybe this had been a long time coming. I had done my best to roll with the punches and to grin and bear whatever situation came my way, but perhaps I was incapable of letting my emotions roll off my shoulder like a simple drop of rain trailing down and away.
Anger, frustration, and even jealousy of those who would have the chance to continue their lives rolled through me in continuous waves, crashing through me one after another until I was left feeling battered and bruised. Aching for answers to my questions that would soothe these heartbreaking emotions and thoughts.
I had to ask. I needed some resolution.
I allowed a single tear to roll down my face as my fists tightened further at my sides. My voice cracked as I bit my lip harshly before pointedly asking, "Why did you bless us with fated mate bonds if the Fates knew this was to be my destiny? No,ourdestiny. You destined my mates to live a life of loneliness and agony, unable to bond again once I am gone. Tell me why. Help me understand why we deserve this.” By the end, I was pleading with her to give me clarity—to give me a reason to accept this and rid my mind of this bitter resentment.
That was just the tip of the iceberg of the shit I was furious about.
What would happen to Lux and Morgan?
Would my wolf’s soul pass with me?
Would my mates watch after Morgan when I was gone? I couldn’t leave her alone. I fucking swore to her I’d be there for her.
Selene's smile fell at my question, for the first time showing she wasn’t always a stoic statue of strength. Her slender fingers tucked a long strand of raven hair behind her ear before grabbing my hand, her milky white eyes gleaming with empathy.
Squeezing it, she admitted softly, almost dejectedly, "I don't know how long each shifter's life is going to be. That is not for me to know. However, I knew you would need multiple mates to provide your soul with the strength that was needed of you. So, that is what I provided when I handpicked your mates for you. I didn’t know at the time that it would end this way, Kira. Please believe that.”
Was that enough to make me understand and accept?
I shook my head as I sighed loudly. Resisting the urge to snatch my hand from her grasp, I inhaled deeply, holding my breath for a moment before exhaling again. I was trying to breathe out the negative emotions—trying to find a calming center within my soul that I could hold on to like an anchor in a furious storm at sea.
My head shook, strands of my hair tickling my cheeks as I answered honestly, "I'm really struggling to cope with the unfairness of this, Selene.”
That was the simplest way to sum up my inner turmoil for her. The raw honesty in my tone broke down some of the anger, instead turning it to remorse. It was like I was already mourning the life I knew I’d be leaving behind.
Mourning the what-ifs and should-have-beens.
Mourning my own life.
I squeezed her hand back as I closed my eyes and admitted despondently, “I don’t want to feel this way. I know I need to be strong for everyone when I go back, but I can't bear to see the look in their eyes when I tell them the future we’ve been fighting tooth and nail for will never be. That it was destined to end this way and there is absolutely nothing we can do but accept that."
As soon as the words left my lips, I knew I wouldn't tell them. I couldn't. They were dominating, hard-headed, and loving men. They'd spend the remainder of our time together looking for a solution to fix this, but there was nothing that could change the course of fate. I wanted the rest of my time with them to be untainted by the fear and outrage for an outcome we couldn't change.
It was time to live openly and without regret.
I wouldn't hold back from nerves or fear around them anymore. I'd express myself emotionally and physically exactly how I wanted, knowing this would be my last chance to make memories with them. It was all I could do, to ensure I didn’t leave my life with them with any lingering regret that I would only stew on for however long my life as her Oracle spanned.
I'd soak up their smiles, gentle touches, and words of love, all while reciprocating those affirmations back to each of them tenfold so they'd never doubt my love for them. They'd carry that feeling with them long after I was gone.
After I was gone…what a sobering thought—one I never imagined I would be having this early in my life.
It was an odd realization to know your life had an expiration date that was fast approaching. It made you realize how insignificant some things were and highlighted what was important to you and how you wanted to live your life.
I wondered how differently everyone would live their lives if they knew from the start how long they had.
Would we all be better people?
Would we be kinder and focus on ourselves and those we loved, instead of worrying so much about how others perceived us?
