Page 79 of Too Wanton to Wed
“I wish we could have a real picnic,” he blurted, the words spilling forth before he could stop them. Then he had an even better idea. “All three of us, after nightfall. Outside. Together.”
Her brows lifted in surprise. “Why can’t we? I’m sure Lily would adore it. Just say the word. I can be free at a moment’s notice.”
“Youcan.” Alistair’s dream vanished. He glared at the picnic basket. His idea wasn’t splendid. It was stupid. He’d allowed the romance of the moment to color the facts of the situation. Namely, that one could neither predict nor control Lily. He let out a growl of frustration. How he wished he could trust his daughter not to endanger herself! “Lily is the problem. Rather, she cannot be trusted out of doors. She’s no longer the wild creature she once was, but... I’m her father. I cannot risk my daughter’s life. And she hates me for it.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” Violet protested. “How could she?”
His laugh was humorless. “I don’t see why not.”
“You’re not ‘just’ a father, Alistair. You’re agoodfather.”
“I’m hergaoler,” he said, hating that he spoke not analogy, but truth. “That’s not a good father.”
Violet placed her hand atop his knee. “Then stop. Let her go outside with supervision. I fully believe she will stay safe. She just wants to live.”
So did he. He prayed to heaven every day for that miracle. “That has always been my dream. Cure or not, we might be closer than ever. At the very least, I believe I’ve calmed the villagers’ concerns.”
“What?” she exclaimed, delighted. “When? How?”
“When they saw—” He broke off, awkwardly fumbling through the picnic basket in search of a distraction. Some other distraction. He would have to tell her the truth someday, but this was not the moment to confess his charade. Not with the tenuous truce just formed between them. She had not yet forgiven him for his recent harsh words. He would not test her with confessions of further sins. He was going to have to lie. Again. His cheeks heated uncomfortably. “I... invited a few townsmen into the abbey chapel. They saw me kiss the cross and place my hand upon the Bible, without ill affect. I need not fear their violence. They realized I am simply a sick man, not a monster.” He hoped.
“But that’s wonderful! And even more reason to allow Lily to breathe fresh country air!”
He tried to imagine the best-case scenario, then shook his head. “How can I let my daughter romp about a lawn bearing a gravestone with her name on it?”
Violet leaned forward and took his hands in hers. “Dig it up.We all regret it was ever a necessity, but you yourself said we need fear no more. And Lily is no longer the impulsive child she once was. You never have to feel like her gaoler again. Evenings out-of-doors could become a special time just for the two of you.”
His heart thudded joyfully at the very idea.
Perhaps... perhaps Violet was right. Lily deserved a second chance as much as anyone. He had tried so hard to organize their lives to maximize safety, but in doing so, had he stripped thelifefrom their lives? He glanced down at his hands entwined with Violet’s. Perhaps not everything could be compartmentalized into orderly little boxes of Shall and Shall Not.
Lily deserved to live her life to the fullest based on her own limitations, not those an overprotective father imposed upon her. He would doubtless be absolutely terrified to see her step one foot out-of-doors even at new moon, but did that give him any right to keep her from it?
He nodded slowly. “You’re right. There’s more to life than just being safe. I can’t protect Lily every second of every day. She’s growing up. She deserves the chance to earn back my trust, just as I intend to earn back hers. She has a right to see the stars.”
“The—what?” Violet gripped his fingers. “You’re saying yes?”
He freed one hand and slowly raked his fingers through his hair. “She started hating me when she was five. The day she saw the gravestones. She couldn’t read her mother’s name, but she could recognize her own. And I never knew. She kept it inside. Can you imagine? All this time, she thought I wished she were dead. She overheard gossip unsuitable for a child’s ear... That gravestone was just supposed to keep her safe.”
“And it did,” Violet said softly. “But as you noted, she’s growing up. And since the villagers are no longer hunting vampires, no one will be about to spy on us. Late at night, the stars high above, the breeze kissing our faces... ”
“And all three of us, together.” His heart swelled as he gazed at her. “I would like both of us to accompany Lily on her first trip out-of-doors in four long years.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Eyes shining, Violet blessed him with a beatific grin. “And whether you believe it or not, I’m pretty certain you are the kindest father in the universe.”
He gave her a crooked smile. “Now it’s getting thick in here. Any father would do what I do.”
Violet’s laugh was hollow. “I didn’t even have one.”
“Your mother raised you on her own?” he asked in surprise. Perhaps the loss of a parent at a young age was one of the bonds Lily and Violet had forged.
She shook her head. “I raised myself, for better or for worse. I must have had someone who fed me until I was old enough to toddle the streets in search of scraps, but my only childhood memories are of being alone. Or involuntarily subjected to company, as the case may be.”
His flesh crawled and his gaze darkened. He gripped her hands in his. “You were set upon as a young child?”
She lifted a shoulder as if it were the most trifling of concerns. “I was one of many brats trawling the alleyways in search of food. We were so used to being invisible—or just referred to as ‘You, there’—that I was probably Lily’s age the first time anyone bothered to ask me my name.”
“Good God,” he whispered in quiet horror. It was a miracle she was even alive, much less such a strong, capable woman. “I am so sorry, Violet. For everything.”
