Page 30 of When Love Becomes A Need
Him having a lot of faith in me felt good. Had me feeling better about my work. I knew my pictures were good. Even though I got in myhead for a while, I knew I was good, but hearing someone from the outside who hadn’t been here since the beginning proved it even more. Even Autumn telling me gave me a boost of confidence I didn’t know I was lacking.
“Uh oh, I know that look,” my mom suddenly said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“What look?” I stared at her, confused.
“That look of infatuation. Who is the guy?” She asked with a hint of a smile on her lips.
As much as I didn’t want to, I knew I couldn’t hide anything from my mom. She knew me better than anyone. We were just that close. All my life, I failed at trying to lie to her. It was like she had a sensor that went off when I wasn’t being truthful or when something was bothering me. She always told mebecause a mother knew her child, but I felt like it was because I was horrible at hiding my feelings. I always wore my feelings on my sleeve. It was one characteristic that I hated.
“Mom, you’re crazy.” Still, I attempted to brush her off and took another bite of my food.
My mom wasn’t letting it go. She gave me a knowing look. She leaned forward with one of her arms on the table, propping her head up. Her eyebrows drew closer together and an amused expression appeared on her face. A meek smile formed as her lips lifted upwards.
“Now, Fatima Rose.” I groaned. I hated when she used my whole name. For one, I didn’t like my middle name. It was my dad’s mom’s name, and she passed before I was born, so my mom gave it to me to honor her, but it felt like an old lady’s name to me. For two, I knew she was about to try and read me whenever she did that. She spoke in thatyou know I don’t believe that shitvoice.
Lowering my head, I shook it slowly before looking back at my mom. Reluctantly a smile formed on my face.I couldn’t hide anything from this woman.
“It’s nothing really, mom. Just a guy I’ve talked to a few times, nothing serious,” I shrugged.
Me saying that didn’t feel right though. It was true that Ahmad and I were nothing serious. Hell, we actually weren’t anything, but Icouldn’t deny that it wasn’t something there. Something that both of us were trying to fight.
“Where did you meet ‘nothing serious’?” Her smile grew.
“He comes into the coffee shop. It’s seriously nothing.”
“Mhm, you don’t have to lie to me, Fatima. I birthed you, remember that. I know my child and you, my dear, you like this young man.”
Groaning again, I rolled my eyes and started to rub my temples. I already knew where this was heading.
“You need to stop letting what your father did influence your life, baby. That was fourteen years ago and I’ve moved on. I’m happy and I don’t hold any ill feelings anymore.”
I stared at my mom and knew what she was saying was right, but I still couldn’t let go of the hurt my dad caused her, causedus.She’s talking like things were easy for her, but she went through years battling depression because of how my dad left us.
“Speaking of, where is Johnny?”
“He’s at work, but don’t change the subject. Are you hearing me?” Sighing, I nodded.
“I hear you, mom, and I know you’re right. It’s just hard, you know? He left us and went and started a whole new life like we didn’t mean anything to him.”
My mom gave me a sympathetic look. “I know, baby, but you have to let that go and forgive him. Not for him but foryou. I want you happy and I want you to be with someone that makes you happy. You deserve that, Fatima. Don’t let your dad stop your life because he was selfish.”
I sighed. “He’s been calling me.” I rolled my eyes.
“Did you answer?” I frowned.
“No, why would I? The last time I talked to him was at my graduation and I’m still mad you told him about that.”
“He’s still your father.”
“No, he stopped being my father when he went and ruined our family.”
The look on my mom’s face showed she felt sorry for me. I know I shouldn’t still resent my dad for what he did, but I couldn’t help it. Theway he handled things when it came to my mom and their marriage was one thing, but for him to completely abandon me for years only to try and pop back up like he hadn’t turned my life upside down was something I couldn’t forgive.
My mom sighed, thankfully letting it go. “Okay, I’ll let it go, but I will say that as long as you keep holding onto that anger, you won’t ever be able to find love.”
“I’m not trying to find love, mom. Love just hurts you.”
“Well, the young man that had you smiling a few minutes ago might be able to change that.”
