Page 52 of When Love Becomes A Need
“We basically were! Don’t act like I don’t care about you, Fatima! I told you I wanted to leave my wife for you!”
My body grew stiff. “And I told you I didn’t want that. We had sex, Kevin. I didn’t want anything serious with you. I’m sorry that you got that impression.”
“Aye, you heard what the hell she said. She doesn’t want you and she wants you to leave, so do that,” Ahmad finally spoke up. He unwrapped his arms from around me and stood next to me. I tried to read his face, but it was blank. I could only imagine what was going through his head.
“You told me you didn’t do relationships or anything serious, so who is he?”
“Don’t address her anymore. She said she didn’t want to be bothered by you, so respect that and take yo ass home toyour wife.” HearingAhmad mention Kevin’s wife caused me to cringe. Now I knew some ill thoughts had to be going through his head.
Kevin looked at me one final time then nodded. “Remember, you made this decision Fatima,” he said.
“Bye Kevin.” A defeated expression formed on his face and he turned away.
Ahmad stepped away from the door and I closed it. Taking a deep breath, I had to mentally prepare myself to turn and look at him.
Like I thought, he was standing there glaring at me when I finally turned around.
“You want to explain that?” He nodded towards the door.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I began to rub them. “Kevin and I used to sleep together. Nothing serious, only a few times a week. He’s married, as you heard. I knew I didn’t want to be with him, and no feelings could be caught, so I didn’t have an issue with him being married.” My eyes were on the floor as I spoke. Slowly I looked up at Ahmad, who was staring at me, confused.
“So, you were his mistress?”
“I mean, not really. We weren’t in a relationship. I don’t even care about Kevin. We slept together and that’s it. The night you saw me at the restaurant, I was waiting on him. He had asked me out, and I planned on cutting him off that night anyway, but he never showed up.”
Ahmad didn’t respond right away. He just stared at me. Part of me felt like I saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes.
“Did his wife know about you?” I shrugged.
“He told me she was suspicious or whatever. I don’t know if she knew for sure.”
“After what your mom went through, how could you put another woman through that?”
My face twisted up. I didn’t like that he was judging me right now. No one knew I was dealing with Kevin because I knew they would have something to say about him being married. Also, it wasn’t anyone’s business but mine. Me telling Ahmad was me trying to let him in and keep it real, but he was staring at me like he was disgusted.
“I didn’t tell you all this so that you could judge me. I know it was wrong, but I thought it was safer than messing with a nigga that couldpossibly catch feelings for me. I wasn’t thinking about anything besides protecting myself. If you’re going to judge me, then you can leave too,” I snapped and turned to open my door.
I wasn’t going to sit here and have him tell me what I already knew. Part of the reason I wanted to end things with Kevin was that I was starting to feel guilty about his wife, especially when he mentioned she was starting to ask questions. I didn’t want to break up a marriage like my dad’s mistress had. At the time, hooking up with Kevin was just me being with someone that couldn’t get attached to me and vice versa. I didn’t even expect it to go on this long.
Ahmad walked over, reached above me, and shut my door. I stared up at him, my heart pounding in my chest.
“Chill, I’m not trying to judge you. I was just trying to understand why you would stoop down to be someone’s mistress,” he explained. I was now pinned between him and the door.
One hand was still above me and he lifted his other hand to rub my cheek. “You’re better than that and deserve better than that.”
“I don’t know. I just figured since he was married that no emotions would ever get involved.” Now that I said it out loud, I realized how dumb that sounded.
“I get it, but you’re better than that. Any nigga that allows you to play second to anyone ain’t no real man. You’re a diamond, Fatima, and should be treated like that. Coming second to anyone, regardless of the reason, isn’t cool. You’re so much more than that.” His words caused my stomach to flutter.
“My mom was right,” I said, shaking my head.
Ahmad raised an eyebrow. “About what?”
“She told me you would be the one to break down the wall around my heart.” Ahmad’s mouth raised into a smile.
“You talked to your mom about me?” He lowered his head until his face was closer to mine.
“No, I mean, kind of. I let your name slip one day and she ran with it,” I laughed nervously and looked off to the side.
