Page 52 of Due Process
What is wrong with me?
The only thing I was willing to concede were our sons. Despite Felix being a terrible husband, that didn’t mean he would fail as a father. He had let our family down in the last year, but I was already seeing changes from him, trying to become better and be an active participant in their lives. I could acknowledge that.
For us, though, it was far too late.
Felix held those unsigned divorce papers over my head, refusing to acknowledge the separation, failing to realise that it only made me resent him more.
So, when that final verdict was called out by the judge, I knew I’d be paying my soon-to-be ex-husband a visit.
I knocked on the door of our old family home, Eli and Phoenix trailing behind with their weekend backpacks in tow.
I had yielded the location for Felix’s house arrest, wanting my sons to deal with the least amount of change and resistance possible.
Felix opened the door, his face going slack with surprise.
“Stella, I wasn’t—”
Phoenix barrelled forward to tackle his dad’s legs before disappearing inside, and Eli skimmed past with a grumbled greeting before following his brother. Which left Felix and I on our own.
“Do you… do you want to come in?”
“No, thanks,” I said. My gaze tracked down his frame, catching on the bulge beneath the hem of his pants.
With the help of his cutthroat lawyer, Felix had gotten lucky. Twelve months’ house arrest with an ankle bracelet and extra restrictions were nothing compared to being incarcerated.
Felix stepped outside and closed the door behind him, giving us privacy. It was the first time we’d truly been alone since I had cut everything off.
“Thanks for signing over the company,” I said to break the tension.
He shrugged, pushing his hands into his pants pockets, mimicking my stance. “The company always belonged to you… It has your name on it, after all.”
“Look, Felix. I know your lawyer, Michael, works for your dad, and I thought it warranted a conversation. We cut Edgar out ofour lives because he was toxic, misogynistic and a bad influence. Has he met the boys?”
“No. I’d never make a move like that without asking you, Stella,” he said, his face crumbling slightly, taken aback by my questioning. “Yes, he was there to help me financially, but he has been kept at arm’s length, with solid boundaries in place. We’re taking things slow. He’s trying… I’m trying. Dad knows I can easily cut him off again, and I’d never put the boys through that type of pressure. They’re already dealing with enough.” I nodded and believed him.
Then he became hesitant. “Thanks for coming to court last week.”
“I didn’t go for you. I went for me. To get closure.”
“But today you came—”
“Today, I came to ask about the divorce. You haven’t signed yet.”
Felix abruptly came forward, arms outstretched as if to catch me in a hug.
Nope.I’d acted enough through his affair. I was tired.
I sidestepped him, narrowing my eyes. “Don’t touch me.”
He stuttered, a broken mask painting his expression. “God, I’ve been pulling myself apart trying to think of the best way to say sorry. Tell me, Stells. How do I apologise for the most heinous act imaginable? How do I make amends?”
“You can’t.”
“I can’t?” He opened his palms, placating and desperate. “I’ve started online therapy. I’m identifying my own issues and working hard to fix myself. I’ll do anything!Please—”
“Tell me how you’d be able to forgiveme, Felix. If the roles were reversed. What would you do if you caught me with your own eyes…fuckingsomeone else. What if I panted filthy words like, ‘I’m your dirty little slut, I love being fucked like this,’andyou heard it all. Tell me if you’d be able to get over watching meorgasmwith another man,right in front of you.”
Felixs’ face drained of colour as the magnitude of his actions took hold. “Oh my—”
