Page 19 of The Duke's Scandal
“Then what troubles you?”
Isobella considered for a moment. Should she be honest with her friend or keep back all that had happened? After all, she had spent years slowly pushing down every bit of pain that had come about after her two failed Seasons, so she was more inclined to do the same here too.
“I am your friend,” Lady Amelia reminded her, softly as if she could see into Isobella’s mind and understand what she was thinking. “If there is something that troubles you, I would be glad to listen.”
Pressing her lips flat, Isobella nodded slowly, convincing herself to be honest.
“It will help, I am sure.”
Letting out a slow breath, Isobella swallowed hard. “The Duke of Exeter asked to call on me.”
Lady Amelia’s gasp was immediate.
“I – I did not answer him,” Isobella continued, before her friend could say anything more. “I could not.”
“Because you did not expect it?”
Isobella closed her eyes against a sudden swell of tears. “I was afraid to.”
“Oh, my dear Isobella.” Lady Amelia took a step closer to her but did not embrace her, perhaps aware that the other bluestockings would see and wonder what the problem was. “You have closed your heart so completely, have you not?”
“I have.” Hearing her voice crack, Isobella took a few seconds to compose herself, refusing to cry in front of Lady Amelia. “I cannot trust him. I cannot trustanygentleman.”
“Then you refuse him,” Lady Amelia said, practically. “If that is what you have decided, then that is what you must do.”
Isobella’s throat constricted. “My brother would be most upset if he heard of it. My mother, too. That is the reason they have brought me back to London. To make a good match.”
“And the Duke would be a good match, yes,” Lady Amelia said, softly. “You do not have to let yourself fall in love with him, Isobella. It could be a match of practicality only.”
The thought was still a terrifying one.
“I promised him that I would dance this evening,” Isobella told her, aware of just how furiously her heart began to beat at the thought of being in his arms. “I do not want to. Nor do I want to dance with Lord Preston, but I have promised him also!”
Lady Amelia frowned, opened her mouth and then closed it again before looking away.
“What were you going to say?” Isobella asked, clutching at her friend’s hand. “Please, tell me.”
“Only this.” Lady Amelia squeezed Isobella’s hand gently. “I understand that you are afraid of losing your heart to a gentleman who will only break it apart in some way, but at the same time, I should hate to think of you lonely. To your eyes, it might seem that walking the path of spinsterhood would save you from a great deal of pain, but could there not also be sorrow and struggle in spinsterhood?”
Isobella looked away. “I am aware that there might well be difficulty, but – ”
“What happens when your brother and his wife bring children into the world? I am sure you will be a doting aunt,but might there not also be a little sadness lingering in your own heart?”
I do not want to think about this,Isobella told herself, trying to block out her friend’s words.I cannot.
For years, she had thought only about what she would do should a gentleman ever come to call upon her again, never once letting herself consider what the lonely years of being a spinster might do to her heart and mind. Now, however, Lady Amelia appeared to be quite determined to throw it out towards her regardless, forcing her to think upon it all the same.
“If you were to have a marriage of practicality, then you would never need to offer your heart to him,” Lady Amelia concluded. “That way, you are safe and protected, are you not? You will never need to fear the agony of a broken heart and shattered trust, for there will not be that affection nor connection between you.”
“That is not something I had considered before,” Isobella said softly, looking down at her hands as they clasped tightly together. “I am afraid to even think about anything other than what I had already determined for my life.”
Lady Amelia smiled quietly. “I can understand that, but there is sure to be more for you than this,” she responded. “Let yourself think upon it, Isobella. The Duke of Exeter has a good reputation, excellent standing, and a fortune that will keep you in comfort all the days of your life. Those are good things, are they not?”
She nodded. “Yes, I suppose it is.” Taking a long breath in, she set back her shoulders and looked directly back at Lady Amelia. “I will accept him then, I think.”
“You will?” Lady Amelia beamed in delight.
“I will. It is only to take tea, however, nothing likecourtship or the like,” Isobella stated, relieved that she now felt a little more at ease. “It is only a first step.”
