Page 19 of The Uncompromising Marquess
“Dancing with you will not make up for what I did,” Joseph said, slowly, choosing his words carefully. “I am well aware of that, but I should like you to know that my apology is genuine. I do recognize that I was quite wrong. I am sorry for the pain and the distress that my untruths must have caused you.” All the words he said were honestly meant, if not said with difficulty. He was not in the least bit inclined towards apology, and yet the desire to be so towards her had been strong indeed. He could not look at her for some moments, the silence between them causing him a good deal of strain and tension.
“Might I ask you something, Lord Applegate?”
Joseph nodded, hearing the hesitation in her voice. “Of course.”
“Why did you refuse to tell my mother the truth? Why did you feel this need todefendyourself, as you have just said? It is truly so terrible to admit to something that was only an accident?”
With a grimace, Joseph nodded. “To my mind, yes. It would have been greatly frustrating to me to have thetonthink poorly of me.”
“Why? It was a mishap and not something that you did purposefully.”
Trying to find an explanation, Joseph took a few moments to respond. “What you may not know about me, Lady Florence, is that I have particularly high standards for those I see around me. Society has expectations of both gentlemen and ladies, and I myself believe that we ought to be a sticklers for such demands.”
She glanced up at him and then turned her gaze away. “You would expect yourself to be the very best of gentlemen, then, given that you have such standards.”
“Indeed.” A little surprised at how quickly she understood him, as well as the fact that she spoke without judgment, Joseph cleared his throat and kept his eyes away from her. He had not expected to be so honest, but the more they spoke, the easier his words became. “Therefore, even the slightest inkling that I am not as I ought to be was more than a little difficult. It seemed easier, given the number of gentlemen and ladies listening to the conversation, to speak a lie instead of being truthful. That was wrong of me, I quite understand, but those were my reasons for doing so.”
When she said nothing, Joseph glanced at her again, feeling his heart twist with a fresh wave of guilt. There was sadness in her face, her eyes downcast, and her brow furrowed. Her shoulders were a little rounded also, and, as he considered her response to his honesty, Joseph realized something.
Just as Lord Sutherland and Lady Grangemouth had not shown any interest in what Lady Florence herself wanted or even what she thought about dancing with the gentleman, he had not shown her consideration either. When he had lied to Lady Grangemouth, the only thing he had considered was his own standing. He had not thought about her, had not thought about the impact his lies would have upon her. Instead, he had pushed himself to the fore, had put himself as the most important and had chosen not to even think about her for more than a moment.
I cannot even imagine what that must feel like.
“I am sorry.” With a heaviness in his frame, Joseph shook his head and let his lips tug to one side. Feeling her gaze upon him again, he glanced at her and then offered a wry smile. “In speaking to you as I have done, I realize now that the impact of my lie was far greater than I first considered. You were not inthe least bit considered. I wanted only to think about myself, and therefore, that is what I did. That should not have been, Lady Florence. I should not have been as inconsiderate. It might have had a far greater effect than I ever thought.”
Lady Florence took in a deep breath, then released it. Her eyes slid up towards his, and once their gazes met, they held them for a few moments.
“I do not think that anyone, save from my cousin, has ever shown such understanding,” she said, quietly so that Joseph was forced to strain to hear her over the noise from the other guests. “I am very grateful for that, Lord Applegate, truly.”
Joseph did not know what to say. Her remarks did not make his chest puff out with pride and nor did he feel any sort of gladness over her appreciation. Instead, he felt only sadness that she had never experienced such understanding before and, with that, his sense of failure increased all the more. It was the first time in many a year that he had felt such a thing and, as she looked away, Joseph’s heart ripped. The festive Season was meant to be a very pleasant time indeed, was meant to have nothing but laughter and happiness and enjoyment but clearly, Lady Florence had very few happinesses at present. He did not want to even mention Lord Sutherland but it was clear in his mind that the only reason Lord Sutherland had expressed an interest in the lady was because he was thinking of matrimony. He could not imagine what Lady Florence was feeling, knowing that her mother would be contented with such a gentleman as her husband. The more he thought of it, the more he felt a heavy weight in his heart, a weight that he himself did not want to hold but it lingered all the same: a weight that came solely from his sympathy and compassion for Lady Florence.
“I do not think I have danced the waltz with anyone other than my dancing master, Lord Applegate,” Lady Florence said, catching his attention and pulling him out of his own thoughts.“I must apologize to you in advance for standing on your toes, which is, I fear, quite inevitable.”
This made Joseph smile. “I am certain you will be quite all right, Lady Florence. The waltz, I am sure, will be quite delightful indeed.”
TakingLady Florence into his arms, Joseph snatched in a breath as he fought against a sudden wave of heat that crashed over him. There was no time to think, no time to even consider what he was feeling, for the music had begun and Joseph had no choice but to dance. He waited for the heat to fade away, for it to soothe itself and rush out of him just as quickly as it had come on, but it did not. Instead, it sought to fire itself even hotter as he clasped her hand, his other hand settling at her waist. Joseph could not explain his reaction to having her so near to him and certainly did not want to have these feelings linger, but the longer they danced, the more overwhelmed he felt by them. He had not been drawn to a lady in this way in his life before! Yes, he had noticed the beauty of some and the warm smiles of others, and yes, he had felt a tug of interest or a curl of warmth, but it had been nothing more than that. To have this now, when he knew full well that Lady Florence was not in the least bit suitable given her clumsy manner and inappropriate mother, was dreadfully confusing.
Lady Florence had not opened her mouth once as the waltz continued although she did keep her eyes fixed on his. Joseph wanted to look away, aware that his warm feelings might well be because of the intensity of their gaze and connection, but he could not. It was as if part of himwantedthis, even though his mind told him he was being quite foolish.
“Whatever is happening?” His attention was forcibly pulled away from Lady Florence as the couples near to them began toslow their steps most irritatingly. Joseph twisted his head this way and that, wondering why they could not dance freely and about to state that this was all quite ridiculous and not in the least bit what he expected from theton, only to catch sight of the mistletoe.
The mistletoe bough. Of course.
Joseph had never once stopped underneath the mistletoe bough, fully aware that the expectation that would come thereafter was that he could steal a single kiss from his dance partner. Given that he had not been thinking about his future or his need for a bride, it had never taken up any sort of thought in his mind.
Now, however, it seemed like a truly excellent idea.
Without allowing his thoughts to pull him from his sudden and forceful intentions, Joseph continued to waltz, albeit in a much more careful and controlled manner. There were two parts of him at war as he drew closer, a thickness in his throat which had not been there before. He did not need to do such a thing as this; he knew, but at the very same time, he wanted to. Part of him pulled back, the other part pushed forward.
“Lord Applegate, we are approaching the kissing bough.” Lady Florence’s voice was very soft indeed, her eyes flaring wide as Joseph nodded.
“Yes, I am well aware of that.” He came to a stop just beneath it, looking up at it for only a moment. “Should you like me to take a berry, Lady Florence?” It was a heavy question indeed for the lady would have the opportunity, then, to refuse to accept his kiss. If she told him that no, she did not wish for him to take the mistletoe, then the dance would continue, and a kiss would not be shared. Joseph’s heart began to squeeze with hope, aware that he himself did notwantto be refused.
“I – I hear it is bad luck to refuse a kiss under the mistletoe, Lord Applegate.” Lady Florence swallowed and looked away, her cheeks pink. “I do not know why you might wish to but – ”
“Because it is tradition and because every young lady ought to be given such a sweetness as a kiss under the mistletoe,” Joseph declared, aware that his heart was now beginning to pound with an excited anticipation. “Here, then.” Reaching up, he took hold of the mistletoe berry and plucked it gently, holding it between his thumb and finger. As the waltz continued around them, Joseph lowered his head and, before he could allow his heart to even consider what it was he was doing, brought his lips to hers.
The heat that had been in him before burned all the hotter and with an even greater strength than before. Joseph did not linger, but the brief touch of his lips to hers was enough to make his head spin. When he lifted his head and looked back at her, she had her eyes closed still. Slowly, they fluttered open, and she looked up at him, the pink in her cheeks now turning scarlet. Her hand went to her heart, and she took a step back, her eyes wide now, although he could not tell the reasons behind it.
