Page 56 of Duke
My heart screams with the desire to keep pushing her. There’s plenty of holes in her argument. I see what she’s doing—the way she’s pushing me away before I can pushheraway.
Wonder why she automatically assumes that’s what will happen?
But it’s obvious Wheeler is in a bad place. I have to respect what she wants, even though I think it’s a fucking tragedy to give up on the chemistry we share.
Who knows? Maybe she just needs some time to heal. Maybe she’ll eventually come around to the idea of being with me. I’ll just keep in touch with her in the meantime—a text here or there, a call just to catch up.
Or maybe I’m being a huge fucking idiot, and I need to take her refusal seriously. I believe her when she says she’s beat up over her parents’ divorce. Could be that she’s not telling me something else, though. She could have her sights set on another guy.
Christ, do I hate the idea of her holding a torch for some finance bro dickhead in Dallas.
I don’t realize I’m holding the wheel in a death grip until my fingers start to throb.
“Got it.” I try to keep my voice even. Calm. “I’m sorry you’re going through all that, and I’m sorry you don’t feel the way I do. But I understand.”
She sniffles. “Thank you. I’m sorry too, Duke.”
CHAPTER 13
Nicknames with New Meanings
Wheeler
“Well, isn’t that exciting.”
Judging by Mom’s tone, the fact that we just sold out of the first drop of our summer collection inseven minutesisn’t very exciting at all.
A rush of saliva fills my mouth. I put a hand on my middle, wondering why the hell I feel like I’m going to vomit all of a sudden.
Ah yes, it’s because talking to either of my parents right now literally makes me sick to my stomach. How could I forget?
“Thanks. Mollie and I are really proud.”
“Y’all should be. I know you’ve worked hard.” A pause. “Maybe a little too hard. I still think you going to an office every day would provide more structure. Give you some boundaries, you know? Because it sounds like you’re working morning, noon, and night.”
Rolling my eyes, I cross my arms over my chest, but I immediately wince.Wow, my boobs are sore. I wish my period would come already so I could stop PMS-ing. I’ve felt pretty awful the past couple days.
“Mom, I tried to do the law thing, and I hated it.”
“You should’ve given it another chance. It’s not too late, you know. Barb’s daughter just finished law school at the ripe old age of thirty, and she got a signing bonusandmatching 401(k) contributions at her new firm.”
“Well, I’m not Barb’s daughter.”
I swallow the lump that’s appeared in my throat. I know it’s just the PMS fucking with me—this time of the month, I always get super emotional. But Mom’s old implication that I’m doing the wrong thing—I’m on the wrong path—hits harder than usual.
“I know, honey.” Mom sighs. “I’m sorry. I just worry about you is all. I don’t want you to get stuck down the road if things don’t work out with Bellamy Brooks.”
What she doesn’t say:I don’t want you to get stuck like me.
Mom quit her job at a marketing company after she had my older brother, and she never went back to work. To be honest, I don’t think she ever had big ambitions for her career. Probably part of the reason why I do. But I know she regrets not having more agency in her life. More financial freedom. Maybe then, she wouldn’t have had to tolerate my dad’s awfulness for so long. I’m really proud of her for finally having the courage to get a divorce, but I wish she’d done it a lot sooner.
Why do you think I work so hard, Mom? I wish you’d trust me to make the right choices.
No one wishes more than I do that Iwantedthe kind of stable, respectable job my parents pictured for me. I even went so far as to take the LSAT my senior year of college in the hopes I could make that path fit.
I bombed the test. I took it as a sign from the universe that I was meant to do other things, but clearly Mom still disagrees how many years later.
My boobs throb. I put my hand on one, then the other. “I’m doing my best to make sure that never happens. Money’s rolling in. If we’re smart and we play our cards right, I think we have a real shot at being the next big thing. I really love what we’re doing, Mom.”
