Page 67 of Duke
There’s a pinch in my center. “Why would you think I’d ever intentionally upset Wheeler?”
“Just…she hasn’t had great luck with men in general. And I know y’all weren’t planning on, well,this. How are you doing?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I’ll be better once I know she’s all right.”
“You’re sweet. But really, Duke—I know you’re not okay.”
“Of course I’m not okay.”
More silence. I appreciate that she doesn’t rush to fill it and instead thoughtfully considers what she’ll say next.
“We’re here for y’all,” she says. “I’m here for you. Which is why I’m going to give you this address. But you let her know you’re coming, yeah?”
“Of course. Like I said, she doesn’t answer me when I reach out, but I’ll definitely still reach out.”
“I’m rooting for you. Just so you know.”
My eyes burn. “Thank you, Mollie.” My voice is down to a whisper now. Can’t go any louder than that, or my strained vocal cords will collapse. “I really appreciate the help.”
“I know you do. Y’all will be okay. Maybe not right away.” She takes another breath. “But it’ll work out how it’s supposed to.”
I don’t know how that’s possible. But I thank her again anyway.
She texts me Wheeler’s address after we hang up. Plugging it into my GPS app, I see that I have a two-hundred-mile drive ahead of me.
Best hit the road. I need to know Wheeler is okay. And then I need to fix this, because…
Too many reasons.
I grab a quick shower and throw some shit in a bag. I look up my hotel options in Wheeler’s neighborhood. By the time I get to Dallas, it will be nightfall, and I’ll be too tired to drive back to the ranch. I know better than to assume Wheeler will let me stay at her place, although I’m more than a little curious about what it’s like. Girly? Fancy? Does she have roommates?
How do I not know this about her?
Because she doesn’t want me to. Right.
Speeding out of Hartsville, I wonder if anyone in Wheeler’s family is with her. She didn’t seem particularly close with them. But that’s what family is for, isn’t it, to be there for you in times of crisis?
Family.I love mine. I always thought I’d have my own in a vague, way-far-into-the-distant-future type of way. Ella is cuteas a fucking button, and I loved growing up in a big family. Watching my older brothers pair off has made me realize just how much I want to find my person. Get married one day. Have kids.
I just don’t want to do that at twenty-seven. I have too many other things I want to accomplish first. The idea that I’ll have to give all that up—
My eyes burn. I blink and roll down my window. The roar of the cool air fills the truck. The sudden drop in temperature is bracing, but it does nothing to slow my wild heartbeat.
I decide to let myself feel all these awful feelings on the drive up to Dallas.
Panic.
Embarrassment.
Shame.
Sadness.
I learned when my parents died that bottling that shit up is not the answer. Cash made sure we were all in counseling for years after the accident, and my takeaway was just how important it is to sit with your emotions. Whether they’re good, bad, or ugly, you gotta honor them.
I don’t let the panic or the sadness win. But I do allow myself to mourn what might’ve been. I have no idea what Wheeler wants to do about the baby. Will she want to keep it? If she does, would we co-parent, or…
Hell, I don’t know whatIwant to do about the baby.
