Page 94 of Duke
“You’re getting my hopes up,” I say.
Ryder looks at me. “Isn’t that my job as your brother and best friend? Pump you the fuck up so you make good decisions?”
“Whoever said you’re my best friend?”
“Hey.” He points at me. “I know you got the hots for Wheeler, but I’ll always know you best. Don’t you dare disappear on me, ya hear?”
I laugh. “I’m going places. But I’m notgoing.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I’m not, like, leaving for good.”
Ryder arches a brow. “You sure about that? Feels like leaving is all you’ve talked about.”
And now I’m starting to think that maybe I can leaveandI can stay. What if they’re not mutually exclusive concepts?
Just like having a kid and having freedom aren’t mutually exclusive concepts either. Sure, having a baby takes some forms of freedom away.
But I hadn’t considered that it might give you other forms of freedom in exchange. Like the freedom to be myself with my people. The freedom to explore the world with them.
The freedom to start my damn life, whatever that looks like. Because I’m not really sure I’ve been living up to this point. Sure, I go through the motions just fine. I’m good to my family. Good at my job.
But I’ve had all the “freedom” in the world when you think about it. And what the hell have I done with it? I’m alone.
That’s something Mom and Dad wouldn’t want for me.
“By the way, I’m not saying that if you decide not to have this kid, you’re making the wrong choice,” Ryder continues. “Maybe that is the right choice at this point in your life. I just want to make sure you’re considering all angles. We’re not getting any younger, and people like Wheeler—they don’t come around all that often.”
I scoff. “No shit. I want to make the right call, and I want to keep Wheeler around. But I don’t want to have a kid just to make her stay, ya know?”
“I get it. You gotta get her to fall in love with you, so you gotta do what you do best.” He gives me a shit-eating grin. “Eye fuck the shit out of her.”
“Not funny.”
“Why’re you laughing, then?”
“Last time I come to you for advice.” I roll my eyes.
He trots over to give me a hard slap on the shoulder. “You know I’m just messin’. I think you just keep showing up for her, yeah? She says her family sucks, so show her how great family can be. Shouldn’t be hard, considering how fucking awesome we are—”
“There’s as good of a chance of y’all convincing Wheeler to stay as there is of y’all chasing her off.”
But Ryder just keeps grinning. “You’re lucky to have us, and you know it. I’ll turn on the charm for Wheeler no problem. Could be fun to have a two-for-one situation happen—Wyatt and Sally’s wedding is coming up, and I bet they’d let you and Wheeler join ’em up at the altar.”
My pulse spasms. Not because the idea of meeting Wheeler at the altar makes me panic.
It’s because it gets meexcited.
Shit.
Just…shit.
Now I’m smiling too as we join the herd, John B waving us over to a calf and its mama.
I still haven’t figured things out, but it all seems a lot less heavy all of a sudden.
CHAPTER 22
