Page 96 of Duke
“How are you?” Patsy asks.
Do I beat around the bush? Or do I let her know that I know thatsheknows that I’m pregnant?
“I’m…okay.”
She nods, her eyes kind. “It’s literally my job description to feed you all, so really, if anything sounds good—or bad, for that matter—just say so.” She reaches up to thumb away a tear. “I’m also here if you ever want to talk.”
I’m gripped by the urge to do exactly that. At the same time, I feel a pang of sadness. I want my mom. She’s the one who shouldbe here right now wiping away my tears. She’s the one I should be able to confide in, to look to for guidance.
I also don’t want to overwhelm her any further or upset her. She’s been through so, so much. Why add to the pile if in all likelihood I’m going to end up not keeping this baby?
And in all honesty, I’m not sure I want her advice. I love my mom dearly, and she was a good parent to us. But I definitely don’t want her life, which is why I’m so invested in making different decisions than she did.
I also don’t want my dad to find out. Even though he and Mom aren’t getting along at all right now, I know she’d tell him. And I know he’d flip his shit. I don’t need him to scare me; I’m already terrified.
“I appreciate that, Patsy. Thank you. And thanks for the sandwich.”
“Anytime. I gotta get lunch going. Holler if you need anything, all right?”
I smile. “All right. Tell Sally I said hey.”
“Tell her I’m brainstorming her wedding day boots!” Mollie calls after Patsy’s retreating back.
I land heavily in my chair and take a bite of the grilled cheese. It’s all I can do not to moan. Patsy knows what’s up. The sandwich is buttery, rich, just the right ratio of bread to cheese.
“That looks really good,” Mollie says. “Can I have the other half?”
I nudge the wax paper toward her. “All yours. I get hungry, and then I eat because if I don’t, that’s when I start to feel nauseous. But then I get full really quickly so I can’t finish the meal I started. I’m finding it’s best if I kind of graze throughout the day.”
“Exactly how I felt my first trimester. Keep snacks handy. Or, really, keep a thoughtful cowboy around who feeds you just when you need it.”
I close my eyes, tears spilling over again. “Fucking Duke.”
“Fuck that guy. Howdarehe think of you?”
“Rude.”
She scoffs. “Dump his ass.”
“Good thing we’re not dating.”
Mollie pauses as she takes a bite of grilled cheese. “Damn, that’s good. You know what’s not good?”
“What?”
“You sabotaging yourself like this. I know you like him. I know you’re wildly, indecently attracted to him. He’s good to you. You’re good to him. Whynotdate the guy? I mean, even your biology is begging you to make him your boyfriend.” She nods at my stomach.
I roll my eyes while I polish off another bite of my sandwich. “You know why.”
“You and Duke aren’t gonna end up like your parents, Wheeler.”
“But that’s just it, Mol. This is exactly how my parents got together. Their marriage—they did it for all the wrong reasons.”
“But think about it. You’ve been trying to sabotage your nonrelationship with Duke since before you were pregnant. You were clearly into him before this all happened, so it’s not like y’all hit it off just because a baby is in the picture.” She drops what’s left of her grilled cheese onto the wax paper and grabs a tissue from a nearby box, which she uses to wipe her hands. “Look, I know your parents well, but obviously I wasn’t around when they met and got together. From my understanding, they thought they were doing the right thing. It was a different time, and it happened under different circumstances.”
“True.”
“But I think the biggest difference is that your parents weren’t friends. Obviously they were lovers—”
