Page 116 of Duke
Something tells me Ava doesn’t mindreal. She was a single mom before she moved in with Sawyer, and I’ve seen firsthand just how much she appreciates honesty and authenticity. She loves to cut loose at the Rattler every so often. Last time we were there, seemingly ages ago, she and I shut the place down, Tallulah shaking her head at us as we worked the dance floor despite us being the only people left in the bar.
So what if Ava judges me for whatever choice Duke and I end up making? Maybe she’ll think less of me if I get an abortion. Or maybe she’ll understand and offer some crucial insight into parenthood and kids and pregnancy and relationships and—well—everything.
Because the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced I want this baby.
I keep my voice low. “I’m sure you’ve heard I’m pregnant?”
“I have.” Ava’s grin doesn’t waver, and a sense of calm comes over me. She’s not freaking out, so why should I? “How are you feeling?”
I seesaw my hand. “I feel pretty good right now. But the morning sickness hit me hard pretty early. When it happens, it’s awful.”
“Truly the worst. I never threw up, but I felt like I had the worst hangover of my life for ten straight weeks.”
“Yes! That’s exactly how it feels—like a bad hangover. The exhaustion, the headaches, the brain fog.”
Ava nods at Duke, who’s chatting happily with an older woman wearing a name tag.Mrs. Hobson.“How’s he doing? Ryder told me he caught him whistling the other day while they tacked up their horses. Mind you, it was five a.m. Ryder couldn’t believe how chipper Duke was.”
My pulse riots. “Does Duke not usually whistle?”
“Not that I know of. Definitely not at five a.m.”
I feel my lips pull into a smile. “He’s been…in surprisingly good spirits. We haven’t made any decisions. Like, we’re obviously not together—”
“Oh, sweetie, y’all are together.” She looks at me. “You’re sick, but you’re still glowing. Tells me all I need to know. He’s taking good care of you, isn’t he?”
My heart’s doing several backflips per minute at this point. “He’s been absolutely wonderful, every step of the way.”
“Duke’s an excellent human being. All the Rivers boys are.” She nods at Ryder, who waves to us as he approaches from the parking lot. “My ex—Junie’s dad—he was definitelynotexcellent. Makes all the difference when you’re with someone who adores you for who you are and who pulls his weight.”
I nudge her with my elbow. “You’re the one who’s glowing.”
“I am.” She crosses her arms and looks at me. “Ella and Junie are at a great age. It’s lots of fun, plus we got to ditch the diapers. I love my man. Love my job. For so long, I felt like life wasn’t coming together the way I’d hoped. I wanted my marriage to be something it wasn’t, and I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do career-wise. The stuff that was supposed to make me happy didn’t. It was only when I veered off the beaten path that I found what I didn’t know I was looking for.”
I swallow, hard, and watch Duke scoop Junie onto his hip. “What was that?”
She takes a deep breath through her nose, pondering. “Freedom.”
“You found freedom in settling down?”
“I wouldn’t call what I’m doing with Sawyer ‘settling down.’ It’s more like…settlingin. Settling into who I really am, chasing after what I really want, and doing it all with a super handsome cowboy by my side.”
Chuckling, I watch said handsome cowboy chase Ella down the sidewalk. “So your career is working out? How are y’all making that happen? Because I feel like I’m just hitting my stride…”
“And you don’t want to shoot yourself in the foot by having a baby.” Ava nods. “I’m not surprised Bellamy Brooks is heading for the stratosphere. I love my pair.” She kicks out her foot, revealing the tan-and-coral midcalf boot Mollie and I gave her to wear onherfirst date with Sawyer. “I won’t lie to you. Having a career and a baby at the same time is not easy. But it’s definitely doable if you’re having that baby with the right guy. He’ll make sure you get the help you need. He’ll pull his weight. Be a real partner. Because at the end of the day, he doesn’t want to hold you back or trap you. He wants to make your dreams come true as much as you do.”
A happy, achy feeling takes root in my center. I recognize all that in Duke.
He’s doing all that already.
“What if I want to make his dreams come true too?” I manage. “He loves to travel and try new things. See new places. I’d hate to think the baby and I would keep him from doing that.”
Ava nods again. “Totally understandable. But here’s another way to think about it: yeah, y’all aren’t gonna be doing a ton of travel with a two-year-old. But newborns? Psssh, you put them in the carrier and go on your merry way. It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s totally doable. And then when your kids go throughthe hairy toddler phase where they don’t want to sit or be told what to do—” She shrugs. “You travel a little less. Maybe you ask your family and friends to take the baby overnight so you and Duke can get away. But then all of a sudden, they’re out of diapers, and they’ll sit with their iPad for a few hours, and you’re able to go on a trip that doesn’t totally suck.”
I laugh again. “Guess you adjust your expectations and set the bar pretty low.”
“Yes. But not forever.” She smiles. “It gets easier as they get older. Well, in some respects. Travel is one of them. Who’s not to say that one day, traveling with your kids will blow your expectations right out of the water? I think all the time about how cool it’ll be to experience the world all over again, this time through Junie’s eyes.”
My turn to nod, my heart lodging in my throat. “I hadn’t considered that angle.”
