Page 130 of Duke
“Sawyer just learned how to braid Ella’s hair. Said he’d be happy to teach me.”
My heart twists at the image of Duke brushing a little girl’s hair.
I can’t believe we’re doing this.
I can’t believe this man and this baby are mine.
I really, really hope I don’t mess this up. Duke and the baby are nice reminders to focus on the positive. They’re also the best excuse to think ahead instead of dwelling on the past.
Looking up at the screen, I see a tiny, bean-shaped blur that floats in a transparent sac. The beating heart is barely visible as a pulsing white light.
In thirty-some-odd weeks, I’m going to have my own my little family. Before meeting Duke, I would’ve felt this overwhelming sense of disbelief.All this goodness is happening tome? The girl who’s been told all her life she’s too sensitive, a pain in the ass, a strange, shameful, ultimately forgettable human being? What right does she have to happiness?
Now, allowing myself to enjoy that goodness just feels like the next right step.
Duke grabs my hand again as we head out of our appointment after meeting with Dr. Martinez in an exam room following the ultrasound.
“Since it appears this nugget is sticking around, I’d like to officially share the news that we’re expecting with my family.” Duke looks at me. “Maybe host a little get-together at the cottage or something?”
Those butterflies appear again in my center. The doctor informed us that with such a strong heartbeat and goodmeasurements, our baby has a very good chance of making it to the all-important twelve-week mark, when the instance of miscarriage goes way down.
Even if that wasn’t the case, I still want to officially tell Duke’s family. Yes, they already know, but this way, no one is tiptoeing around the news. We can finally all celebrate together, and they can be there for us if anything ever happened.
I’m learning how valuable support like that is.
I’m learning how much I need it and how good it feels to accept it.
“I love that idea. Maybe we have a fire on the porch? Have s’mores for Ella and Junie. And Mollie. And definitely for me too.”
I’ve never had much of a sweet tooth, but all of a sudden, I’ve been craving chocolate and ice cream and Patsy’s Texas sheet cake.
Duke nods. “Consider it done.”
He doesn’t broach the subject of my family until we’re in his truck and heading back to my townhome.
“I know this is a sore subject.” Adjusting his hand on the top of the wheel, he meets my eyes. “But we’re gonna have to tell your parents about us and the baby at some point.”
I grab his forearm as he shifts gears. “You’re not a sore subject.”
“I’m gonna be when your daddy finds out we’ve only been dating for, like, two seconds, and you’re already pregnant.”
Dad is gonna bepissed. Not only because he has a terrible temper and even worse impulse control, but this is also how his sad story began.
Mom’s too. Which makes me think she’s also going to be less than thrilled. Sure, she loves kids, and I know one day she’d be excited to be a grandmother.
I also know she wants me to learn from her mistakes. How do I make her see that the mistake wasn’t having a baby but having a baby with someone who was never going to be a friend to her?
“Haines is happy for us,” I say. “And my parents…well. They’ll just have to come around, because I’m doing this.”
He takes his hand off the gearshift and puts it on my thigh. “We’redoing this. Together.”
“You wanna get laid, don’t you?”
He grins. “Well, yeah. But that’s not why I’m saying that.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
