“If you don’t want your father’s legacy,” she said with piercing defeat, “if you don’t care about your birthright, about the species, about us…just go your own way. But some misplaced noble quest that takes you out into the middle of the war is just going to get you killed.”
As her voice choked off, she had the strange sense of drifting she remembered from years ago, her tether gone.
“I can assure you,” he tossed back, “there is nothing noble about what I’m doing.”
“You’re going to get yourself killed.”
Or is that the idea, she thought grimly.
In the tense silence that followed, she went back to right before he’d been born. She’d read all kinds of parenting books to prepare herself, and they’d covered things like getting your baby onto a schedule, home remedies for colic, appropriate developmental stages like crawling and walking. Even though it had been all human stuff, she’d been so delighted and excited to be in the club of mothers, and concerned with swaddling blankets, teething rings, and diapers. Anticipating the birth of her and Wrath’s miracle had been such a joyful time. And then…
Things hadn’t gone the way she’d intended.
Maybe it had all been a mistake, holding the throne for him, piling that burden onto him. Maybe there were things she could have done, should have done, in the midst of her grief and anger…
Abruptly, she thought about the night his transition had hit. Another anniversary alone, their family shattered, her by herself at the side of the bed as the change hit. It was such a threshold, maturity arriving with shattering, transformative violence, a process that couldn’t be stopped and everybody went through.
And yet it was always a shocking surprise when it hit, in spite of all the signs of its impending arrival.
This moment was the same. So many clues to the breaking, coming over so many years, the estrangement a transition.
That led to death.
Certainly, another part of her was dying now.
“I am always going to be here for you,” she said roughly. “Always. Even if you never want my help or my…company. Or my love.”
Blindly pivoting away, she walked for the door.
“It’s not just about him.”
Beth stopped and looked over her shoulder. Her son had come forward, even though his hard expression hadn’t changed.
“I was with you, all those years,” he said grimly. “I lived your suffering every night, and all day long when you weren’t sleeping. I heard you cry, even when you tried to hide it. I watched you go through the motions of my birthdays and your human Christmases. I was with you, even though you were a ghost.”
“I tried to be what you needed, what you deserved,” she breathed. “I really did.”
“Lash took yourhellrenfrom you and stole my father and mymahmenfrom me. He fucked the Brotherhood and their mates.And he would have screwed the whole species if it hadn’t been for Rahvyn.”
“We can start over from here.” She returned to him and almost took his hand. “We can just…live our lives. From here. You and me. If you don’t want the throne, that’s fine. We’ll figure something out. The things that have happened…we can’t erase them. We don’t have to keep at their shadows, though. We can begin again…now. Fresh.”
She didn’t believe that, but sometimes you said shit to your children because it was the best you could offer them. Theonlything you could offer.
L.W. shook his head. “You handle what happened your way, I’ll handle it mine. And I can tell you right now, it’s not going to be with my ass on some old chair with a high back and all kinds of bowing and scraping going on at my feet.”
“The throne is more than that.”
“Not from where I’m looking at things.”
She rubbed her aching temples and blurted, “You’re not supposed to be fighting.”
“We already covered that, didn’t we.” His eyes narrowed. “Is that why my father fucked it all off just now? He wants to fight and not just be a figurehead?”
Beth opened her mouth. Closed it.
“Ah, so that’s it,” L.W. muttered. “But at least you can blame his nature for my own, can’t you.”
“What are you—?” She blinked in disbelief. “I’m not blaming…anyone for you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
