There’s a woman who works in my department. I’ll call her “Gamora.” She’s smart and funny, she can do anything on a computer, and she’s Marvel—not DC—like me. We talk during the day and hang out every once in a while at company functions. She’s everything I want in a girlfriend, maybe a wife, but I’ve never seen her outside of work.
Last Friday, a bunch of us went out for a beer to celebrate hitting our performance targets. I was surprised when she came with us, and she and I ended up hanging out for almost two hours. We talked about all kinds of stuff, including that she was thinking about changing jobs and had submitted her resume online.
I’ve wanted to ask her out for a while, but I don’t know how—and now I’m worried she’s going to leave before I find the chance. Do you have any suggestions? What do I do if she says no?
Sincerely,
Getting Up the Nerve
Vishous:Getting Up, you’re getting on my nerve with the Marvel shit. Superman started it all. He’s so tough they needed to GIVE him a weakness. *pours more Goose* He was the first to have super strength, the first to—
Mary:Okay, let’s table the discussion about comics—
Vishous:But that’s exactly my point. He’s just caught up in the movies. He’s ignoring the comic reality. He’s not a true superhero fan, which is about the comics—
Mary:…
Vishous:What? Is it cigarette time again?
Mary:And to think I was worried about BBQ sauce.
V:Hey, I gave him a pass for the no-fruit thing. What do you want from me? As for his situation with the woman, I have to Wilson this.
Mary:???
V:Balls. Look, life is not a dress rehearsal. If she likes you, great. If she doesn’t like you, then maybe she was lying about the Marvel thing, I don’t fucking know. But either way, you should find out, and what do you care if she’s not into you? This is a stranger you’re attracted to. You don’t know enough about her or how you’ll relate to her to think she’s the one—what? Why are you looking at me like that?
Mary:Well, it’s because you’re, um…that is actually very good advice. Getting Up, Vishous is right on both accounts. Hurtis inevitable in life. If you’d like to explore a relationship with this woman, you cannot lose by extending yourself a little and asking her on a date. You didn’t mention whether she’s single; I’m assuming she is. If she isn’t and hasn’t mentioned a partner, then you’ll find out when you ask her. But a larger issue is your assumption she’s a good match for you. This is something you can only know over time. If she does say no or just wants to be friends, please don’t feel like you’ve lost your one and only shot with a suitable partner.
V:Yeah, maybe instead of Gamora, you find out you’d rather be with Wonder Woman—
Mary:We wish you the best of luck! Let us know how it goes.
V:Just google “sporting goods stores near me” to find your closest outlet. And then take a chance. You may be rewarded, and even if you aren’t, it’s better than not knowing or losing your shot ’cuz she leaves, true.
Mary:Until next month, we wish everyone health and happiness!
Duct Tape and Wedding Dresses
Dear Vishous,
I am twenty-seven years old and about to marry my very best friend in June. Bobby (let’s call him) and I have been together since graduate school (about two years), and we get along great. We moved in together last year, and after some initial growing pains, we’ve successfully transitioned into a two-person household. Bobby asked me to marry him over the Christmas holidays, and of course, I said yes. I have no doubt he’s the one, and I’m excited to call him my husband and start a family with him.
The problem is his mother. She’s absolutely impossible. I suspected this before, but the wedding preparations have sealed the nightmare on the woman. The thing is, we only had six months to plan the wedding because Bobby and I didn’t want to wait, and June is the best month weather-wise for where we live. Unless we got down to it fast, we were going to be engaged for a year and a half, and that just felt like too long.
Anyway, Bobby’s mother second-guesses me about everything: the band, the cake, the dinner, the schedule, the start time, the end time, the bridesmaid dresses, the groomsmen’s clothes, the musical choice for the service, the flowers. It’s like she doesn’t approve of anything I’m doing on purpose, and I’m sick of it. Bobby’s let me plan everything, in part because he works longer hours than I do, but also because I have an opinion on how I want things to be and he’s more laid back. But theresult is that he doesn’t get involved enough when his mother gets on me.
Do you have any advice for my handling this woman? At this point, I’m so ready to scream at her, it’s overshadowing the whole day.
Fed Up
Vishous:Fed Up, I have two things to tell you: 1) Did you know that duct tape works well on pieholes? It’s cheap, too; and 2) Both you and that mother-in-law of yours need to slap a strip on right this fucking minute—
Mary:*shakes her head* Oh, dear God.
V:What? I’m serious. If Fed Up knows what she wants her wedding to be like, why is she talking to Bobby’s mother about any part of it? She should just stop with the chitchat and not give the other woman a chance to say shit about the event.
Mary:*blinks* Well, Fed Up, V actually does have a point. It does sound as though you are running everything by your future mother-in-law; otherwise, how would she have expressed opinions on so many aspects of your wedding? I wish we had a little more detail to go on. Are you including her at that level because you want to make her feel involved? Or is it because of some expectation on Bobby’s part?
