I’m really glad you’ve opened this up to things other than romantic issues. My husband and I moved into the home of our dreams four months ago. It’s not a huge mansion or anything, but for us, it’s perfect, especially as we think about starting a family. We saved up for five years to make the down payment, and it needed some work, which we happily did, but probably couldn’t really afford right now.
The problem is our neighbor to our left. There is a row of beautiful holly trees that grow down our joint property line and provide a natural barrier between us and him. We love these trees and nurture them—and they are planted on our side of the line. Our neighbor, however, seems to feel they are his to do with as he pleases. Without our permission or knowledge, he cut them back so aggressively that their health has been compromised. At least two of the twelve seem to be dying now.
This neighbor has not been welcoming from the beginning. He never says hello. He’s never tried to get to know us. He’s not friendly when we pass cars. I’ve spoken to our neighbors on the other side, and I gather he’s like this with everybody. I wish I could go over there with my husband and talk this out with him. Explain to him about the trees and come to some kind of compromise that doesn’t involve him taking a hacksaw to them while we’re at work. But he refuses to answer his door.
I’d be grateful for some direction from you about how to handle this. I am worried—like, what else will he do? Park a bunch of boats and RVs in his driveway? Start a garage band? What if this gets worse? We can’t afford to move, especially after we put all the work into this house. Plus, we honestly like where we are except for him.
Sincerely,
Tree’d Off
Mary:Tree’d off, I’m so sorry about those hollies. I know you must be heartbroken, but also worried about your privacy and the peaceful enjoyment of your property.
Vishous:You need to get a flamethrower.
Mary:*blinks* V, did you read the letter? The trees are on her property. She likes them.
V:Flamethrower’s not for the hollies. It’s for the neighbor—
Mary:Vishous. Homicide is not the answer.
V:Yeah, see, I beg to differ. Light the arboreal bastard on fire and then use the ashes as fertilizer. They’ll help with the pH balance of the soil.
Mary:*shaking head* This is absolutely NOT the solution—
V:Well, if he won’t open his door, how else can they resolve this?
Mary:Tree’d off was not clear how many times she and her husband tried to reach out. Maybe he wasn’t home. Perhapshe was busy. They need to try again, and then write a letter to him to summarize the conversation. Or, hey, if there is a homeowner’s association in the neighborhood, ask them for help and advice. Flamethrowers are not the way to handle this.
V:Fine. How about a tree trimmer? Eye for an eye. Take his arm and part of a leg. *wipes hands* Sorted.
Mary:No! That is a crime—
V:It’s what he did to the tree. That is not on his property line. Karma’s a b*tch.
Mary:That is not karma. Bodily harm is a crime.
V:Whatever. Listen, they don’t have to be friends with the guy. Tree’d Off is wrong if she thinks just because she moved into the house next door that everyone’s got to be pals-y, pals-y. People are not obligated to get along. They are, however, obligated to stay on their side of the property line, and not hack somebody else’s tree to death.
Mary:Okay, I will agree with you on that one point, at least. Abutting properties do not make for automatic friendships, but for the common good, people do have to get along. I truly believe another attempt at discussing the situation face-to-face should be made (provided Tree’d Off and her husband feel physically safe to do so). And then, if things persist or escalate further, you may have to look into legal remedies. I don’t know what state you’re in, or what the law says about things like this, but if he did kill your trees in an impermissible manner, then he needs to make that right.
V:Fine. Go try to talk to the guy. But if he blows you off, or if he tries a bunch of head game bullshit, I advocate for the more face-to-face solution. This can involve frying pans, grenades,crowbars. Hell, park your car in his living room some night. Seems fair, given that he’s not respecting your property lines.
Mary:Please do NOT resort to violence. That is not the way to resolve this.
V:Please DO resort to violence. Sometimes, you just need to cut through the crap and make things happen. Plus, I like me a good holly tree.
Mary:I didn’t know you were so into horticulture?
V:I’m not. But I really don’t like douchebags.
Mary:*rubs her head* Tree’d Off, please let us know how this goes as you seek a peaceful resolution.
V:Always remember, there are an array of power tools out there to buy. I think you’re going to need them. Also shovels. To bury the body. Until next month, take care—of business.
The Next Springsteen (?)
Dear Vishous,
