Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Steady, restrained, hardworking Taurus. You areSleepless in Seattle, too principled and disciplined to fall into a romance full of chaos. Rather, you would fall for Tom here, the lonely, saddened widower—just make sure, when you see him embraceanother woman, that you stick around long enough to learn it’s his sister!
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
The Proposal. Yes, Gemini, you two-sided, charismatic, in-charge person, you get Ryan Reynolds in his birthday suit! You are Sandra here, with two sides, a harder, brusquer outer layer, and a softer inside which doesn’t want to be mucked about. When in doubt, let Betty White take charge of your future, even if she has to fake a heart attack to make sure everything works out well!
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Sweet, loyal Cancer.You’ve Got Mailis the right one for you, with Meg and Tom bridging the gap of their differences online, only to have to bring that connection into the real world. You are sincere, and loyal, but you are no fool, Cancer. I wish you a love like they found, one where you see beyond the truth that is only on its surface irreconcilable.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Notting Hill. Leo, you are frequently the center of attention, but that can be a lonely place sometimes, can’t it. In the end, you are just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her. And love you, he does! You even get Hugh Grant with the Good Hair. Leo, stay true to the kind of person who’s willing to live in your shadow, who loves you for everything you are!
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
When Harry Met Sally.Virgo, with your love for precision, how could it be anything else? You would order sauce on the side. And you believe in love. Underneath your practical side, you’re looking for what Harry and Sally find, an HEA on NYE, true love with a friend who gets you, and a lover who cherishes you, forever.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Libra, you are not a big fan of conflict and strife—so yes, of course, you would find yourself engaged to a man in a coma, and unable to end the ruse because you fall in love with his family! You getWhile You Were Sleeping, the very best of all rom-coms in my opinion! You hate to let people down, and you love love! You also would see through Peter Gallagher’s gloss and find love with the true-blue good guy, Jack (who has hair to rival Hugh’s in this movie.)
Scorpio (October 23- November 21)
Scorpio,My Best Friend’s Weddingis yours, and not just because Julia Roberts is a fellow Scorpio! This movie brings up questions about love and loyalty, friendship and romance—and in the end, the Scorpio saves the day! You are fearless and sometimes unforgiving, and let’s face it, Cameron Diaz’s character’s cheerful routine would try the best of us. But in the end, you sacrifice yourself and get to dance with Rupert Everett! You always do the right thing, and I believe in karma. (And after the closing credits, then watch10 Things I Hate About Youand find your proper love in Heath Ledger!)
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Moonstruck. The Oscar-winning romantic comedy that sets the bar so high, I’m worried about saying thatWhile You Were Sleepingis my favorite! You are Cher, willing to do your duty, but captivated by the bad boy who is your true destiny. Put on that red dress, and get your hair done, and be the shining light at the opera. You deserve true love just like Cher does!
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Pretty In Pink. Capricorn, you value family and hard work, and you are Andie, focused on bettering yourself. You are creative and committed to your loved ones—and you are not inlove with Duckie. You just aren’t. When Blane comes along, you protect yourself—but don’t worry, in the end, true love wins over James Spader’s perfect eighties douche canoe!
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
I know that you are not a big fan of emotions, even though you have them, for sure. You areThe Big Sick, the excellent, Judd Apatow-produced movie about the real life Kumail Nanjiani and his wife, Emily Gordon, and how they fell in love. It won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay, and it’s super smart, and very funny, and very insightful. It also carries larger themes, and those important messages for other people which you take very seriously.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Pisces, at some points, you are torn between options. Confused as to your destiny. Pulled one way and then another—and yet things always work out for you! You areBridget Jones’s Diary, torn between Colin and Hugh, both with good hair. And in the end, you make the right choice and find your true love in exactly the right place! (Colin is NEVER the wrong decision!)
September
So I really think I’ve been unfair to some of the people I live with lately. I mean, I have been hogging the remote and forcing the household to watch a back-to-school marathon ofSaved By the Bell. I have been acting like Jessie at mealtimes (knowing everything); Kelly during pool games (cheering, etc.); Zack during training (why am I training?); Lisa whenever anyone has clothes on (running commentary on fashion even though they say I dress like David Lee Roth from 1983); and Screech…well, that’s my default for everything, really. Oh, and the reason I don’t pretend to be A.C.? I dance like someone getting electric shock therapy and I have never been that cool. Therefore, I cannot be like him. On any level.
In a rare moment of introspection, I questioned, why am I annoying like this? Why do I insist on making it as difficult as possible for people to coexist with me?
Because of the foregoing, I think this month, we need to consider what all of you would do to prank my sorry ass. Let’s imagine what you would do as payback for my incredibly annoying personality.
Love you!
xxx
Your Favorite Fallen Angel
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
