Lassiter:*from the foyer* That’s because you like looking at my ass! *smacks it*
Rhage:*trying to cut off further discord* It was an awesome book! It has my favorite ice cream in it—
V:*loudly* I like your ass better than your face, angel! It’s a better conversationalist!
“What was your favorite scene in the book?”
Wrath:The last one.
V:*muttering* I didn’t read it.
Payne:I’m a sucker for a good romance. So I like the cave scene. And yes, I read every word—and then myhellrentook a two-hour break from the clinic.
Manny:*raises hand* I loved that scene. Even though I didn’t read the book. Yup. Favorite scene ever. A true literary masterpiece, like, better than all ofGrapes of Wrath.
V:*glances across* Is that a joke?
Manny:No, that was freshman English in high school—oh, I get it. *laughs*
V:*cocks brow* I’m going to take solace in the fact that having a sense of humor is not relevant in medical emergencies—
Manny:Which is why I love having you as my backup in them.
V:*cracks a laugh* *bows head* Touché, motherfucker.
Rhage:The ice cream. I liked the ice cream part. Is anyone else hungry?
Everyone:NO.
“What was your least favorite scene in the book?”
Wrath:Well, there is an obvious one. *glances at Beth* But I’m going to go with when she and I went down to the clinic. If you read it, you’ll know when you get there—
Beth:*covers face with hands* That was awful. So awful. This book was just brutal. *leans into Wrath and George*
V:The whole thing is my least favorite. *lights up hand-rolled* And I knew it from the cover. David Lee Roth-haired b*stard flexing all over the place with his stupid wings. I thought you weren’t allowed to show nips because of algorithms? Can we just block out the whole goddamn thing for decency?
Lassiter:*from the foyer* If that isn’t the black candle calling the pot black with the black kettle and the firepit.
V:*shakes head* *speaks up* That insult was a car skidding around a corner and derailing into the woods. Congratulations! You slayed me.
Rhage:*ready to change the channel on the Vlassiter show* I hated when the ice cream part was over—no! Wait. It was alsoin the middle of the ice cream part when I realized I didn’t have hot fudge. But the over part was worse.
Mary:*shakes head ruefully* I wish the ice cream scene hadn’t happened because we’re still working through our feelings about the hot fudge issue.
Rhage:*takes her hand and kisses it* She’s my rock.
Fritz:*tentatively speaks up from the sidelines* I feel like I could have done better during the ice cream scene to anticipate the need for hot fudge. I shall go to a continuing hospitality education course to develop my skills. It was utterly unacceptable—
Rhage:Oh, listen my man, don’t worry about it. I’m just playing. *glances at Mary in a panic* *lowers his voice* Is he crying? Oh, fuck, he’s tearing up—
*black hole of awkwardness* *interview concluded*
*12 minutes later**interview reconvened with Rhage having been provided a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream and an entire jar of Smucker’s hot fudge*
“Is there any part of the book that caused you to reflect on an important relationship in your own life?”
Wrath:I’m not even going to answer that. *strokes Beth’s back* If you read it, you’ll see it.
