“Oatmeal cookies and aGodzillamovie,” he says in a hoarse voice. “That’s how it started.”
Tears come to my eyes and I blink more quickly. “And you always root for the monster, too.”
“Without fail.”
Back then, in the beginning, he’d never have imagined his worst fear would come true in such a violent way. All males who are bonded to their mates are terrified of the birthing bed. It’s a universal truth that there’s a high maternal fetal mortality rate in this world, and he’d done what he could to prepare himself forthat risk. The fact that that was not how he lost them seems the cruelest of punch lines.
No wonder he hateslessersso much.
“And now…” He takes a deep breath. “I’m here.”
Tohr points to his shitkickers, to the concrete floor beneath them. Resolve is written into everything about him, from the way he’s planted his weight, to the lock of his shoulders, to the emphatic way that finger is nailing the concrete under him.
“The moment we’re in,” I whisper.
He nods grimly. “That’s where I live. Neither before nor after. Right…here.”
I’m struck by the courage it takes to say this out loud, especially to me, the keeper of all that has and will happen to him. And I’m so glad there are good people in his life. Autumn, of course, and John Matthew and Xhex. But also his half-brother, Xcor, and by mating, Blay and Qhuinn’s kids.
There are so many people who care for Tohr, watch over him, protect him. And he does the same for them.
Tohr will always be a two-way street when it comes to that stuff.
I open my mouth because I want to tell him that I see only happiness for him and for Autumn. And it is the truth. The world of Caldwell, NY, is as out of control as always, and there are very bad things coming, things that scare me and make me want to walk away from books I haven’t written yet. But I don’t see strife for him personally. I can’t give him that gift, though, and not just because it’s not the rules that I’ve always played by, and will continue to play by.
All of us are at risk of having the chaos of the larger world throw a wrecking ball in our own direction. And the only thing worse than acknowledging how fragile all our most-importants are is the lie that you’re somehow out of the risk pool because you’re a good person or you already suffered a devastating lossor sickness has already darkened your door. Because when the truth returns? It brings vengeance along with whatever shit falls on your head.
And again, I always get new things I don’t see coming when I draft.
So even though there’s nothing horrible now...it may not stay that way.
Still, I want to say something nice. Because of all the Brothers, he would do the same, if he were in my situation. And also because I just like the guy.
I clear my throat. “You are the glue that keeps everyone in this world together. Wrath may be the leader, but every unit needs a sergeant, and you are the best at that job.”
He looks away for a moment, and then those navy blue eyes swing back to me and gradually lighten. “I know. And I don’t mean to sound arrogant.”
I laugh a little. “You could never be that.”
“Oh, it could happen.” He wags that finger. “Eternal vigilance ensures humility. And God knows we have enough egos in this house to begin with.”
“That isverytrue.”
As he properly smiles at me now, it’s without reserve, and it’s a testament to how much he loves those who serve with and under him that any reference to those fighters of worth pulls him out of himself and his past.
So that he truly is in the here and now.
“It’s really good to see you,” I say. And that is the God’s honest.
Again, I have always liked and respected Tohr. In fact, I’d like to think if I were a member of the Brotherhood, I’d be him.
Probably not, actually. I only wish I could be as levelheaded as him.
“You, too,” he returns, that smile still in place. “It’s good to see you, too.”
Zsadist, son of Ahgony
For those of you who haven’t heard, Zsadist is my favorite hero. I’ve written sixty-five plus books, all of which have had a love story, and he is my absolute number one!
