Page 9 of Powder
We ended by pushing out far enough to sit on the boards and talk. The waves rocked us gently as we straddled our boards, catching our breath.
“So, tell me more about Tian,” Jack asked—the first time he’d done so in the days we’d been sharing a bed.
“Tian-Lei,” I corrected with a smile, our knees knocking as a swell pushed us together for a moment. “Tian-Lei Cai-Wilder,to be exact. My birth name was Cai Tian Lei—Cai is the family name, so it came first. Tian Lei means heavenly thunder.” I smirked then and gestured at my small build. “Not so much thunder as a sparkler in a storm, all flash and noise but not much weight,” I joked.
Jack smiled faintly, the corners of his eyes soft. “Heavenly thunder suits you more than you think,” he said. “You come crashing in, full of energy, light up everything around you. Don’t sell yourself short.”
I made a show of fluttering my eyelashes. “Aww, he likes me.”
He tugged the strap attached to my ankle, dragging my board closer until our knees bumped again, then leaned over to kiss me, salt water still on his lips. “Yeah,” he murmured, eyes locked on mine. “I like you.” My chest constricted so tight it was hard to breathe, and for once, I didn’t need to joke or hide behind words—I just kissed him back.
A little dazed when we separated, it took me a moment to get back on track. “Uhm, so my adoptive parents kept my Chinese name, even hyphenated it, so for a while I was Tian-Lei Cai. When I turned twelve, I wanted more control over who I was, and I chose to add their last name too because they were my parents and I loved them and I wanted so hard to be a Wilder—so now I’m Tian Cai-Wilder. Most people just call me Tian, though.”
For once, I wasn’t blurting things out like I usually did. Being here with him, after seeing Jack let go and laugh at himself in the surf, I felt… comfortable. Safe enough to open up.
“How old were you when they adopted you?”
“A baby, ten months old. No one knows who my birth parents were—I was left on the doorstep of an orphanage one night, wrapped in a blanket with nothing else. The Wilders flew halfway across the world to bring me home. I’ve never forgotten what they gave up, what they risked, just to make me their son.”
“So, you don’t know anything about your birth parents?” He looked adorably awkward. “Shit, should I ask you that?”
I shrugged. “I’m an open book,” I lied. “I could find them if I wanted, I guess. Mom and Dad said they’d support me if I wanted to, but I don’t. I don’t need to. Someone out there gave me life, sure, but my parents—the ones who held me when I cried, who stood on frozen mountains cheering me on, who sacrificed so much for me—that’s who matters. Going back would feel like betraying them, like saying they weren’t enough. And they are. They’re everything. So no, I don’t intend to connect with my birth parents. My life is with Mei and Ben Wilder, and my little sister Li Hua, also adopted… with the family who chose me and never let go.”
“They sound like good people.”
“They are, and they never let me forget my cultural roots—made sure I learned Mandarin basics, celebrated Lunar New Year with me every year, and cooked Sichuan dishes even if they weren’t perfect. They wanted me to know where I came from, even as they gave me a home and a future.” I grinned. “What about you?”
“Oh, I have a younger sister too, her name is Fiona. My folks both died in a car crash a few years ago. We were all pretty tight. Dad and Mom were great hockey parents, and just great parents in general. Fi and I are super close. She kind of likes to run my life. She hates my ex and takes great joy in reminding me how lucky I am to be rid of her. Which now that I’ve met you I’m starting to believe.” His eyes widened as if he’d revealed too much.
“I’m guessing she’s an ex for a reason.”
“Yeah,” he said tiredly. He hadn’t mentioned her since confirming the divorce on the plane, and I wasn’t going to push. “So how did you get into snowboarding?”
Good change of subject, Mr. Hockey Star.
“We lived in Breckenridge, close to Keystone and Copper, some of the best snowboarding centers in Colorado. I wasn’t tall enough to play basketball, quick enough for track, or big enough for football, but shit, I was good on the beginner boards. Then I became obsessed.”
“I read that you won a gold medal in the X-Games,” Jack said, almost shyly.
“You been looking me up?” I teased.
“Well, you know a lot about my career, so I thought it was only fair.”
“It’s taken me years to get there,” I admitted, eyes on the horizon. “Years of falling, breaking bones, clawing my way back.”
“So now you have the gold, what’s next?”
“Bigger, better tricks. There’s this one I’ve been dreaming about—a cab triple cork with a late nose grab into a fourteen-forty, clean and landed without a wobble. No one’s pulled it off in competition yet. It’s dangerous as hell, the kind of thing that could make my career or break my body, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”
He frowned. “Breaking your body doesn’t sound good.”
“Says the hockey star.”
“True.”
“Then the Olympics. Shit, everything I do now is about one thing only—earning a place on the Olympic team, chasing gold. My parents gave up so much so I could chase snow and speed instead of stability. I owe them everything, and I owe myself too. Every ounce of powder I carve, every trick I land—it’s for them as much as for me. It’s everything to me. I can’t let them down. I can’t let myself down.” My voice cracked, but I didn’t look away.
Wow, that got very deep very quickly.
