Page 2 of Holiday Scars
If I confess the longing gnawing at me, and he either laughs at me or tells me to fuck off because gay dudes don’t go for twenty-seven-year-old bi-curious freaks.
“Nothing. Be careful,” I say, giving in to the fact that a man I’m secretly crazy about is going to get his dick sucked by some dude in the bathroom.
“No one is gonna hurt me, Jett,” he says quietly.
Message sent. Not Stavros and certainly not me.
I watch him stroll down that same shady corridor the red-haired guy disappeared into, my eyes glued to his ass, packed so nicely in his jeans.
Minutes pass. Maybe more. I tell myself to stay put, but my chest is tight, and my head is hazy from crashing into the river pilings and almost dying. I feel drunk, but I’m not.
When I finally get up to check on Blade, I dread what I know I’m going to find.
The door to the men’s bathroom barely makes a sound when I open it. I’ve been here before and know there are three stalls. It’s late, and no one else is around. At the end of the row, behind a metal door, low sounds spill out. There’s a rhythmic thud of flesh on flesh and the clatter of a belt buckle.
And groans.
Deep and guttural.Blade.
I know his sound of raw pleasure because tracking scum for the mob often puts us in hotel rooms together. Blade often jerks off in the shower or even in the bed next to mine when he thinks I’m asleep. It was jarring at first, but then I started to listen for his sexy moans. Now I stroke myself and quietly orgasm listening to him.
I shouldn’t try to see what’s only ever been in my mind’s eye. God, I shouldn’t. But I can’t stop myself. I move closer, quiet like when I’m tracking the enemy.
Through the thin sliver of the stall door opening, I catch a glimpse of Blade from behind. His muscled ass, golden skin, thrusting as he slaps his hips violently against a fleshy pale ass bent over the john. Blade’s head is tipped back, his mouth open, giving off a sound I’veneverheard from him before. A sound now burned in my brain, and I don’t think it will ever leave.
Great.
Spying on him fucking a stranger is wrong, but I can’t look away. Then I feel it in my pants. Again. My cock thickens, watching a man I want fuck someone else. I get so hard, so fast, dizziness claims me, and I have to reach out a hand to the wall to steady myself.
“Fuuuuck,” Blade groans, his orgasm cresting.
I back away, heartbroken and angry. My cock is throbbing and my pulse is racing when I reach the hallway. I don’t go back to the table. I just walk out, shivering against the biting cold air as I step onto the sidewalk.
I pull out my phone to text my brother, my fingers moving before my brain catches up:
Bro, you need to talk to Blade this weekend. Stavros left him and now he’s fucking some strange dude in the bathroom at Battery. I’m leaving or I might just kill the dude. Then beg Blade to fuck me instead.
I stare at the words and realize I’m outing myself, but I hit send anyway. I’m so wound up, I don’t care anymore. My brother and I are close. I can tell him anything. But Dirk doesn’t answer, so I shove the phone in my pocket.
He’s probably getting laid, too. His girlfriend Hana, a gorgeous Japanese lawyer, will be with her family for the Thanksgiving weekend while we head to our mountain cabin upstate for the holiday.
It belonged to a grandmother we never met. Dirk and I were in the foster system much of our childhood. The cabin is the one roof from our past without scars.
I inhale the brisk November air, still tasting the river salt and Blade’s tongue.
God, I’m fucked.
CHAPTER TWO
Blade
I strip out of my clothes, needing a shower. The men’s room hook-up hadn’t helped me escape the loneliness I’d been experiencing. That guy meant nothing. It was just me trying to feel wanted for a few goddamn minutes.
It was a mistake. I feel raw and dirty, and all I want now is to scrub the memory off me.
I toss my jeans toward the hamper, and they hit the floor with a dull thud. My phone buzzes inside the pocket with a notification I must have missed earlier.Jett.
For a second, my chest lifts. I swipe the screen, hoping at least I’ll get an explanation about why he ditched me at Battery. Although I was relieved not to look him in the eye after what I did to that stranger in the bathroom.
