Page 107 of Dual
After all, if I left on good terms, he'd try to follow. Well, at least I know how to advise Moira to break up with her Bane.
Broken hearts are better anyway. That's how the stories are supposed to go.
I've read the real versions of the fairytales, and they don't have happy endings. They have women with chopped-off feetand lonely, dead little mermaids doomed to wait a hundred years begging to enter heaven.
I pack furiously, throwing clothes into a bag with no regard for order or care. Tears burn behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I survived the unimaginable. I can survive this, too. I can survive losing him. Again.
I storm out, only to find Domhnall standing just where I left him, shirt still open and untucked, hair disheveled, looking like a man at the end of his rope. His arms are still over his head, but I see his tortured face, the conflict playing out across his beautiful features.
Oh Donny. You always deserved so much better than this broken doll.
I head toward the front door, putting one foot in front of the other, each step taking me further from the only person who's ever made me feel real.
Only to hear his footsteps chasing after me. Right as I try to open the door, his hand is there slamming it closed, the force of it making the door frame rattle.
"Wait. No. Stop." He shakes his head, tears at the edges of his eyes, voice cracking on the words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
I look up at him, amazed as always at the one thing I've ever been able to feel through the cloud of numbness when it comes to him.
Love. The only thing---a feeling is what I guess they call it, the only one I've ever been able to identify apart from pain---that swells in my chest when I look at him and he looks atme. It expands beneath my ribs, a pressure so intense it's a wonder my skin can contain it.
"You did mean it, love." I lift a hand toward his face but pull it away before I make contact, the gap between us a chasm that can't be crossed. "And you're right. We are toxic."
If I touch him, I might give in and try to fuck away our problems again even though it only puts off the inevitable. It's just a momentary spell we can both fall under. When the heaving and sweating and slapping bodies stop, cold reality creeps back in.
The one where I keep hurting Donny, lying to him, and putting his life at risk by my very proximity.
"Maybe we just need another break from each other," I say to ease the blow as I pull my hand back, hovering in the space between us.
But the look he flashes tells me he can hear that I don't mean it. That this is a final goodbye, not a temporary separation. That this time, I won't be coming back.
"Mads. You're the love of my life," he whispers, the words so sincere they cut me to the bone.
I smile sadly, then open the door, slipping from beneath his arm. "Maybe it's time to get a new life."
Then I slip out the door, surprised to find wetness on my cheeks as I pull my phone from my pocket to call an Uber.
Huh.
I didn't know I could cry.
I don't let myself look back as I step into the car that comes minutes later. I focus straight ahead, eyes on the road,mind already turning to what comes next. Finding Moira. Convincing her to break up with her mysterious Bane. And keeping my promise to Pavel and saving Donny's life.
I've already said goodbye to Donny too many times.
This time, it needs to stick. This time, I need to stay gone.
For both our sakes.
THIRTY-THREE
MADS
I spot Moira instantly,when I walk into the dingy bar. I texted her after leaving Domhnall's. I didn't want to wait until tonight to talk to her. She's exactly where she said she'd be---perched on a barstool like she owns the place, a chaotic ball of energy in a leather jacket.
Before I can even approach her, she sees me and launches herself in my direction.
"Bitch!" she yells, wrapping her arms around me like a clingy octopus. I stand there rigidly, uncomfortable with the contact, my muscles tensing. Public displays of affection have never been my thing. Her grip only tightens at my resistance, squeezing the air from my lungs.
